Big Onion

Hence my observation that it doesn't tell you everything. The vast majority of goals are scored in the box, however.

Owen's goals-to shots percentage (league games) has been around the 25% mark for most of his career. Few strikers manage that over time, and it's the same this season as it ever was (8/33). It's better than Torres and Anelka this season, for example and miles better than Martins. I remember reading that towards the end of last season he had the best conversion rate of all PL strikers, though I'm not sure if he ended up top (there were a couple of freak stats in there, I think Lescott had an amazing % but I can't find a comparative table). Doesn't tell you everything but it shows he'll score a relatively high proportion of his chances. He's not getting chances, it's as simple as that.

Think when I saw Lough he was at right-back. They switch the kids around quite a bit - I've seen Tozer, who's normally a CB, played at full-back and Kadar has had the odd game at centre-back. Kadar did look promising at left-back but two bad injuries mean he's not even had that much reserve experience. A long way away from the first team yet I'd say and out for the season anyway obviously. I know Coloccini's played full-back quite a few times in the past, and I've got a feeling I heard he'd played on both sides in his time. I'd rather see him given a go there than Ryan Taylor, and we've precious few other options when Enrique's not available, although Duff did alright there at the weekend.

I've watched him closely a few times and he seems to make token, half-hearted runs (either forward or back) but mostly too late to make any difference, and I never see him looking like he wants the ball. I honestly don't know if he's any good or not because he just hides and does fuck all.

Nolan is completely anonymous. He doesn't make bad passes because he doesn't make any passes.

Enrique's supposed to be back for Portsmouth I think.

I notice reading NO that all those very vocal defenders of the (Ashley sytem) faith have gone very quiet for some reason

Gambles £300mil on a stock market bet but wouldn't spend a net £15/20mil on players for Keegan. Backed Wise over Keegan then seven months later is forced to abandon the 'system' that caused all the problems in the first place having discovered that Keegan was right all along. What a fucking mug he is.

Ryan Taylor should spend every minute of every training session practicing corners. Not sure if he took all 7, but I'm pretty sure only one of them made the six yard box. Not to mention the free kicks. Never beat the first man. When Dawson (who'd played Carroll well in the air) went off we should have been trying to exploit Corluka at CB by throwing high balls into Carroll. We were too shit to get in behind in open play but you'd think someone would be able to deliver at least a couple of decent crosses in from set plays. Another reason Guthrie should play, as at least he gets a few into the right areas.

Spot on. You reap what you sow. We're shit because Ashley didn't invest properly in the first team last summer and then again in January. No cover at left-back fucked us up again today. And we don't create chances because we've got wank like Ryan Taylor, Nolan, Smith and the past-it Nicky Butt playing in midfield, which completely wastes the decent options we've got up front. I don't know what Danny Guthrie's done wrong not to get a game ahead of the likes of Smith and Nolan by the way. He's not top class but he's miles better than those two useless cunts.

Both Hull and the mackems are in freefall and it's just annoying that one or both have to get something today. How much could we do with winning tomorrow by the way? If we get beat we've realistically only got four games to save the season, as we haven't got a snowball in hell's chance of beating the Dippers away. We'd need to win three of those four, which is a massive ask.

Utter bollocks Apart from anything else, Shearer has categorically stated he doesn't believe in a DoF system. We don't even know what division we'll be in next season yet. Edit: he's going back to Dipperland anyway according to Rawk - Dalglish

Aside from our record against them of late, it's hard to find reasons to fancy us here - their form's excellent. Palacios is a great signing for them, just what they needed. Meanwhile we signed Kevin fucking Nolan Lennon's decent and could easily cause us problems now Enrique's out (no idea who'll play LB, I just hope it's not Ryan Taylor) but he's a player who flatters to deceive for me. Modric is the real dangerman, very clever and talented player who I really like the look of. What a difference it could have made if we'd signed him, instead of getting lumbered with the invisible Gonzales. We have to improve a lot on last weekend to get something, as we were shite overall. I'd like to see the 4-3-3 tried, but I doubt they'll go with it if Martins isn't available. We've got to create more chances than we did v Chelsea and Stoke or we can't win games. On paper Keegan's midfield of Geremi, Butt and Barton with Owen supporting was hardly bursting with creativity, but he managed to turn them into an effective unit - we created plenty of chances in this fixture last season. Shearer/Dowie need to find something similar out of what we've got. Owen's being completely wasted at the minute. All that said I'll still be having a small punt on Carroll to score if he starts, as I think his strength and ability in the air could definitely cause them problems at set-pieces. Come on big Andy Carroll

What a bellend he is He really rates himself like, hence the 'don't dare diss me' stuff. I remember when he referred to himself as 'a top man in my field' just after we'd given the latest in a growing list of shocking displays (Wigan away) last season. I'd love Blackburn to get relegated me, as I cannot fucking stand him.

I like everything I've heard about the work Shearer and Dowie are doing behind the scenes, especially the emphasis on professionalism and fitness. The bottom line though is that it's first and foremost a short-term apointment to get us out of the shit. It's all about whether they can improve us on the pitch for the next six games and put enough points on the board to beat the drop, otherwise it hasn't worked. Either way it'll be far too early to make judgements about whether Shearer can cut it as a manager.

Ten grand to turn the red bits blue?

Dowie: “Everything is fine with him and his recovery is on schedule as far as we’re all concerned. He desperately wants to get back playing again and we are all looking at the Portsmouth game at the moment for him to do that. If that comes round a little too soon for him, then it will be the game after that. We’ll have to see how he goes over the next week or so, but he is very determined, as you would imagine. That’s the sort of character he is and hopefully he can play some part in that game.” Five games max, more likely four and maybe half an hour off the bench v Portsmouth. Even if it only takes him a couple of games to get match sharp, it leaves very little time for Barton to have much of an impact.

Aye Duff won't take a man on now. I know it wasn't from an attacking position but that needless back-pass to Coloccini against Chelsea just because he couldn't deal with having a man in front of him is symptomatic of the way he rarely takes responsibility these days (not that it excuses Coloccini's fuck up mind). That back pass is fine when attacking players have retreated, but it's a bad ball when they're still on the edge of the box. Even if he's lost a bit of pace and can't go past a full-back the way he used to, that doesn't explain why he won't cut in and attack the box as he did when he was younger. Ginola was still brilliant at that into his 30s. Confidence as much as anything I imagine.

He's got a clever pass or two in his locker but he's rarely produced that in his time here. I've seen him give it away plenty as well, then chase back and foul as he's got no pace at all. His best football was at Man City when he had Hamman sitting and doing the tidying up for him, allowing him to get forward all game. We haven't got anyone near Hamman's class. As I say it'll be a boost to have him available but I don't expect too much, and I also think Guthrie is our best passer of a football from midfield, though again he's no world-beater.

Aside from wanting to smash her over the head for the completely unnecessary (and possibly sarcastic) use of 'de rigueur', I've no idea why Louise Taylor is doing Martins' PR. That's a very sympathetic take. First I've heard of Martins playing on an injury and funny how it coincides with him going awol again. As for this bit: Get to fuck

He's better than Nolan. My worry is that when he came back from his previous metatarsal fracture it was taking him an age to get up to speed, and he didn't get there in the end as he got himself locked up. Anyway he was largely crap till Keegan went 4-3-3 and gave him that fairly limited role on the left, although to be fair to him he did his job well then. The fact remains he's done precious little in his time in a Newcastle shirt, especially going forward. With six games left he'll need to get match fit quickly to make an impact, and I'm not sure that's likely. Depends if he's still off the drink and looking after himself I'd guess.

He is that fat footed bloke everyone takes the piss out of in 5 a side. Even though Shearer says he's shit hot in training? Every manager we've had has said the same...Souness said three mornings out of four he was "unplayable" in training. He must've been close to an England call up around the time we were playing in the champions league....he was banging them in at the Likes of Leverkusen and Liverpool, and the under 21s, and all Erikkson was picking in the England squad at the time was Heskey, Owen and Darius fuckin Vassel! At the time, he was definetly playing better than Vassel. But he hasn't kicked on, as mentioned above he's gone backwards. I watched him amble on to the pitch for the second half at Stoke on Saturday, a minute or so behind his teamates. He looked completely uninterested, just like he was out for a stroll in the sun. Someone pointed this out and everyone stood around us saw it and the more charitable among them just laughed and put their heads in their hands. The others...well...look at the first post on this thread. That's my take on it as well, as I said in the other thread. I reckon he's effectively sticking two fingers up to the fans for the stick he's had and now doesn't give a fuck. Wrong as it is for fans to boo their own players (he's had it more than once and people who do that need to have a word with themselves) the professional response to it should be to knuckle down and try to prove the critics wrong, as Nicky Butt did a few years back. He's never convinced me as a footballer but I didn't have him down as a lazy player a few years back. I do now. They'll have been drilled to mark up at set plays all week so he'll have known specifically what his job was in his own box. The failure to track Faye isn't a lack of concentration - it's a lack of interest.

Very refreshing to hear someone tell it straight after all the mealy-mouthed flannel we've had variously from Kinnear, Ashley and Llambias this season.

Even Xisco beats Shola