Christmas Tree

The Alan Shearer revolution - live ----- George Caulkin Welcome to St James' Park; welcome to the Alan Shearer revolution. This week, TheGame is well away from its comfort zone, reporting from football's coalface, the very frontline. Okay, okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But Alan Shearer is about to conduct an open training session at the stadium and rather than file the usual dose of north east misery in column form, we thought it would be fun/different/boring to cover it live. As Shearer put it last week, we're bound to make mistakes, so please bear with us. And as Shearer further pointed out, there are no saviors here. There's no magic wand. Just a bloke with a laptop and a paper cup filled with luke-warm latte (thank you Simon Bird of the Mirror, I owe you £1.40), reporting on lots of other blokes kicking a football into the air. What will we learn from this? Almost certainly nothing. It's probably wrong to expect any great tactical insight at this stage (to paraphrase Graeme Souness, I'm not big on tactics). We offer nothing but the eyes and ears of a humble observer. But please feel free to comment, criticize or ask questions. And let's broaden this out to supporters of Sunderland and Middlesbrough, too. What does the rest of the season hold? What about afterwards? What do we have to look forward to? 11.46: Well, we're outside. The sky is blue. The sun is out. Grown men in shorts are running about. Bear with us, I'm trying to find a plug socket. 11.48: Okay. I'm plugged in. Right then, down to business ... Hm. Who's idea was this? It's a flaming training session. THERE'S NOTHING HAPPENING! Hang on. There's Alan Shearer, wearing tracksuit bottoms and a white sweatshirt, hands on hips. He looks the part. Unfortunately, Newcastle haven't looked much like a football team this season. Discuss. 11.51: I'VE HAD A COMMENT! Hm. Smartie - one word: spell check. Sorry, two words. 11.52: But to answer your question, there's not much sign of it, no. Alan is looking pretty stationary at the moment. Newcastle could do with him, though, couldn't they? It wasn't just the goals. It was the free-kicks, the elbows, the backside, taking the ball into the corner and holding off opponent for the last ten minutes. 11.55: I'd say there are a couple of thousand fans here. Maybe more. Including Steve Harmison, the England and Durham cricketer, and his kids. I can report that 'Toon Harmy' attempted to sit down, but missed. By a long way. Actually, I've just made that up. 11.58: Someone scored. Not Alan. But Alan stuck his hands in the air, in the manner of old. Brings back a few memories. 11.59: JB - that's a serious question. I realise I haven't said anything serious so far. Sorry. No, can't see Lovenkrands. Guthrie injured his knee in the reserves last night and I can't see him either. Joey Barton and Mark Viduka are training by themsees, kicking a ball about, but not exerting themselves too much(which isn't unusual for Viduka). 12.02: No Steven Taylor, no Bassong. Any hope for Stoke in that case? 12.03: Michael Owen isn't doing very much either. He did a few shuttles, but isn't partaking in shooting practise. One thing, though: Newcastle did a fairly extensive session for an hour or so before the public and the press were let in, so maybe we shouldn't read too much into that. 12.04: DON'T PANIC! Owen is now shooting. He's just had a decent shot saved by Fraser Forster. 12.05: What an absolutely beautiful day. To quote Phil Collins - one of Shearer's favourites, probably - no jacket required. 12.06: Interesting. It's Shearer who's taking the lead today. So far, Iain Dowie has been the main man on the training ground, but Alan is very much involved here: shouting, laughing, barking out orders. I have to say, the mood seems very good. Lots of laughing and joking. It needs to translate into points. Quickly. 12.12: So what do you think JB? Which division will Newcastle be in next season? What's your gut feeling? I feel a bit more positive than I did a week ago, but that's not too difficult. I think it's going to be very, very close. 12.14: HOLD THE FRONT PAGE! Shearer is now playing!!!!!! My hands are shaking too much to type more. 12.14: He shoots, he scores! He wheels away with his right arm in the air. The crowd go wild! Goal number 207! Does it count! 12.!5: Okay, forget everything else. This is now Shearer-watch. Is he still registered as a player? Can he be? He's playing on the same team as Gutierrez, Coloccini, Geremi and Owen. 12.18: Four minutes in, he's blowing out of his backside. I think that's the correct football parlance. 12.18: They're playing Dire Straits over the tannoy. This is a proper, genuine Geordie love-in. It does NOT get any better than this. We're all off to Greggs for a cheese pasty after this. 12.20: Shearer has now scored twice, Owen once. 12.22: On the other team: Ameobi, Nolan, Duff, Martins, Ryan Taylor. 12.23: Harper in goal for Shearer's team, Forster for the other lot - who'll lose. There can be no other outcome. It is ordained. 12.25: The game has just finished. If I'm being brutally honest, I've got no idea what the score was. But good fun. Lots of applause from the stands now as the players go for a little jog around the pitch. 12.26: I've just noticed Alan Smith. He's hanging around near the dug-out. He isn't doing very much ... please feel free to add your own comedy punchline here. 12.28: Some official business: Bassong DID train in the earlier, behind-closed-doors session. So that's good. And the stadium safety officers put today's attendance in the 7,500 bracket. Which is a lot more than my guess, although there are people behind that I can't see. And I lost count after 2,000 anyway. 12.30: They're playing Jimmy Nail over the speakers now. Stop. Please stop. 12.31: Jonas has just sparked a mini riot by throwing his tracksuit bottoms into the crowd. Imagine what would happen if HE ACTUALLY SCORED A FLIPPING GOAL. 12.32: The players are stretching. This is textbook stuff. 12.33: Officially, it's all over. The strains of 'Altogether Now' are blaring out. Which is a comforting thought. From a Newcastle perspective, let's hope it's true. In a small way, this has been a useful exercise. Lots of kids have come to see the team train, it's brought a smile to a few faces. But, and it's a big but - like this: BUT - Newcastle won't survive and prosper through PR stunts, however well-meaning. 12.36: Open training needs to be followed by open dialogue. With Shearer at the helm, Newcastle have possibilities, but that's all they are and staying up is just the first of them. If they succeed, there must be some hard bargaining and tough questions. Shearer is here for the long-term, no matter what he says in public. The hiring of Dowie and Paul Ferris are proof of that - why would Ferris be looking at the whole medical and sports science set-up, if it was for seven games only? - but it is not guaranteed. It all comes back to Mike Ashley; is he prepared to invest in the club in meaningful fashion? And can he be trusted to do it properly? 12.39: One small addition. Shearer finished the session in a huddle with Barton. Long coversation. Am I reading too much into that? Stoke on Saturday? 12.42: And with that, farewell. The ground is now empty(ish). My coffee is cold and barely touched. Thanks for your company - normal service will be resumed next week. It would be nice to have a victory or two to report on. (Note to boss: will this do?).

http://www.goal.com/en/news/1689/comedy/20...d-england-coach

It would have explained a lot..... But no, this time its not Newcastle. Shy Sports

Peaspud "The players trotted out to all together now"

Pretty sad I know, but if anyone wants to take part ? or get any feedback then they need to click this link to the Chronicle. Its been hosted by Lee Ryder and Bob Moncur. Starts at 11.45am http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/nufc/newcas...72703-23325404/

Had anyone listened to me..... We would be safe buy now! Freudian slip or just a new PR record for the club? Thank fuck no one actually listens to you. YYYYYYAAAAAAAWWWWWNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! as usual tbf

Had anyone listened to me..... We would be safe buy now!

Found a team that better suits him already

Newcastle United Fans Rejoice As Dennis Wise Is Kicked Out On His Arse Amazing what you find on google

DENNIS WISE’S ill-fated spell may be officially over today, but his input at St James’s Park has been slowly diminishing for months. Wise was a shock arrival for Toon fans when he was appointed executive director along with Tony Jimenez, who made a more low-key exit last year, and Jeff Vetere. What Mike Ashley hoped would be a recruitment dream team, however, has paled into near-insignificance. Wise once enjoyed a relationship with Ashley healthy enough for the Toon tycoon to back him ahead of Kevin Keegan. The former Chelsea star’s operational role, which saw him spend more time clocking up air miles on countless – and some might say pointless – scouting missions, was brought to an abrupt end yesterday by the arrival of Alan Shearer. The Chronicle understands Wise had barely spoken with Ashley and managing-director Derek Llambias since before January, with Joe Kinnear assuming a recruitment role during the transfer window. With Newcastle announcing last night that Wise’s position would not be refilled, it can only deemed as a major rethink of the managerial structure at St James’s Park. Shearer’s return and the appointment of former Crystal Palace and QPR boss Iain Dowie as his assistant reverts to a more traditional approach by the Magpies. That will be met with relief by Toon fans. The Geordie public fully understood the continental management system in place at Newcastle but never endorsed it – nor Wise’s role as transfer chief with the diminutive Cockney holding power above King Kev. Keegan was renowned for his own personal powers of persuasion when it came to transfers. A fine track record which included marquee signings in his first spell in charge like Peter Beardsley, Andy Cole, Rob Lee, Scott Sellars, David Ginola, Tino Asprilla, Les Ferdinand and Shearer himself was blatantly obvious, it seemed, to everybody but the current Toon owners. It is thought Keegan had plans to try to sign proven Liverpool defender Sami Hyypia in the summer and did not rule out audacious moves for David Beckham and one-time Barcelona misfit Thierry Henry – not to mention a monumental claim that Chelsea’s Frank Lampard was interested in coming to Toon. Wise had different ambitions. Buy young, buy foreign, buy cheap. During a summer of speculation, transfer talk linked Newcastle with some of Europe’s lesser bright lights. Wise scouted fresh-faced Swiss international striker Eren Derdiyok and made several trips to Norway to see playmaker Per Ciljan Skjelbred. While summer arrivals like Jonas Gutierrez and Sebastien Bassong have proved to be relative success stories, they have failed to capture the imagination of the Tyneside public in the same way Keegan’s marquee signings did. Bassong’s debut at Doncaster Rovers was met with mystified chants of “46, 46 nobody knows your name!” United then splashed out £10m on Fabricio Coloccini, who later turned out to be the “wow” signing of the summer. Throw into that £5.7m striker Xisco and little-known winger Nacho Gonzalez, who has barely played this season, and fans could see why Keegan was fed up. That was obvious to assembled journalists at Newcastle Airport in July when Keegan turned up to have a plane named after him. KK said he “did not want to talk about football” with just six weeks to go before the big kick off. Surely something was wrong? KK looked drained and powerless. Therefore, there were no surprises among Geordie folk at Keegan’s departure, not least the 2-1 defeat against Hull City which sparked fury on Tyneside. After KK left the club, Wise’s role continued as normal – but it seemed Joe Kinnear was encountering similar problems. Kinnear wanted Peter Lovenkrands to aid the Mags’ relegation battle. Wise did not. That was an example of the slowly-receding power levels of Wise as United’s management system failed to do what it said on the tin. I stood outside St James’s Park some months after Keegan’s departure and watched as a fan told Wise what he thought of the situation. Wise’s laughing-cavalier response to the young Geordie, just yards away from where KK explained to fans why he had sold Andy Cole in 1995, summed up why the ex-Chelsea man was never the right fit for a people’s club like Newcastle United.

The company that owns Southampton have today gone into administration

Wise has gone

If there truly is a god, it will be Paxman.

Simon Birds article in the Daily Mirror http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/200...15875-21242198/ Lets hope its a good interviewer who asks some good questions. Someone think Im going to dislike him more when im hear him speaking in his whining essex voice.

as opposed to...... Firefox, Chrome, Opera? so which one and any top 3 reasons why its better?

as opposed to......

Anyone using it yet? Is it much different? http://www.microsoft.com/windows/Internet-...er/default.aspx

Yes siree it did. Yum Yum

Being able to lie online and get instantly passed for a ten grand loan.

Blow jobs on other occassions than birthdays.

Breaking into a chant of.... "Newcastle... United.... Will never be defeated".

You could try one of these t . shirts which could silently let him no where you stand.

So mincing is like acting super-gay, right? I don't know a ton of gay people, but I think the mincers are no different than extreme kids with the big rings in their ears or Wall Street wannabe types who are talking IMPORTENT BIZNESS on their cell phone while I'm in line at the gas station waiting to pay for a Diet Dew. Some folks don't have much of a personal identity, so they decide to marry themselves to the idea of how society views whatever role they've chosen for themselves. Invariably, they get it wrong by overdoing it because it's more about how they want to be perceived by society rather than just being themselves. I'm not a doctor or a genecticist or whatever, but I can't imagine that in uncivilized areas of the world there are gay men prancing about. Are there men being gay? Sure, probably. I do think biology has a large amount of determination in one's sexual orientation, but to think somewhere in the Amazon there are gay dudes walking around with bent wrists stalking pumas with blowguns or whatever... I don't buy that. I disagree actually. A lot of boys seem to become really camp before they really have any notion of their sexuality. You're implying its an act, I'm sure it isn't. Could be, Rents, could be. I've not seen it in kids, but again, I'm no doctor and I grew up here in the mid-west where being gay is still pretty well frowned upon and I'm sure there's more gay folks around here that are trying to stay in the closet or whatever. Doubt the parents were encouraging little Billy to camp it up whilst doing his morning chores on the farm, know what I mean? Aye, cultural iunfluences will come into it as well. Agree with Meenzers point too. I think being gay is largely accepted in the UK now, even in the North East (at least in Newcastle). Haven't been to one for ages, but gay parties tend to be fun. I've never felt remotely threatened, even when I was chatted up by men quite a bit when I was a teenager. Once went to a gay club in newcastle 20 years ago with another straight friend and our gay boss. It was a very strange night (was 20 years ago). Lots of men dressed in the full kit blacke leathers open leather shirts caps etc. (Try to picture gay bikers). Anyway, each time one mede ey contact you would panic and raise your eyes upwards. Unfortunately upwards was where the club had put many tv's (not trannys) around the room, which displayed men playing with themselves. It was eyes up, eyes down, eyes up..... Sure its much more tasteful these days.

So mincing is like acting super-gay, right? I don't know a ton of gay people, but I think the mincers are no different than extreme kids with the big rings in their ears or Wall Street wannabe types who are talking IMPORTENT BIZNESS on their cell phone while I'm in line at the gas station waiting to pay for a Diet Dew. Some folks don't have much of a personal identity, so they decide to marry themselves to the idea of how society views whatever role they've chosen for themselves. Invariably, they get it wrong by overdoing it because it's more about how they want to be perceived by society rather than just being themselves. I'm not a doctor or a genecticist or whatever, but I can't imagine that in uncivilized areas of the world there are gay men prancing about. Are there men being gay? Sure, probably. I do think biology has a large amount of determination in one's sexual orientation, but to think somewhere in the Amazon there are gay dudes walking around with bent wrists stalking pumas with blowguns or whatever... I don't buy that. Lovely image