Monkeys Fist

Mackems devastated

There's no one to count- they've all left.

CT's Shipwrecked diary. Day 1- " 10 of us survived and landed on this lovely island might go detecting later. " Day 2- " Was starving hungry. Ate everyone. "

Stroke or heart attack? Would be ironic if he ended his days having baby food wiped off his chin by some pissed off Eastern European care worker

Acceptable exterior damage, as a rule of thumb, is anything less than 20-30mm diameter. There are "ways" to ensure your mileage falls within the agreed limits, so long as you don't mind a wee trip to Glasgow to "put things right". Obviously, the mileage you incur going to Glasgow can be dealt with as easily as the other few thousand you're having "seen to". Bear in mind, too, that you'll have to this before each ( mandatory) yearly service- if you're only going a wee bit over your yearly allowance, decide which is cheaper. That being said, don't bother with the maintenance packages they'll try to sell you, you'll be getting a brand new car, anything over new tyres is covered by its warranty.

Aye, all that good stuff and also get "on the nest" with some Nolberto lookylikeys. Brazen hussy, truth be told

I think it'll be as close as the Sweaty independence vote, with Remain winning out, just. I don't think, though,we'll see anything like the turnout the Porridge Wogs got. Whatever the result, Cameron is politically fucked, he's made the biggest political balls up of any UK PM in decades, and he knows it. What the fallout of this whole sorry mess will be, I have no real idea, but I just hope that the result of this fucking abortion of a referendum is remain. If the idiots win, I genuinely fear for the future of my kids, everyone else's kids, and their kids to come. That's the crux of this entire shitshow for me- it's not about what I want, it's not about what the pig-shit thick Boldon cabby wants, it's about what kind of world we want our kids to grow up in. I was fortunate enough to live and work in various European countries from my late teens until I was 29. I made solid friendships with people from numerous different country's, and I'd like my kids to at least have the choice to do something similar. It made an immeasurable difference to the person I am now, having started out as a Killy bamp from a council estate- I say that, not to denigrate council estates,the working class, blah de blah etc. but as an example that thanks my country being part of a European community, I could work in whatever country I chose, within that community, without any unnecessary obstacle. CT, genuine question, why would you deny your kids that option? You're accustomed to having the piss ripped out of you on here, I'm deadly serious here Tubs. You and I are basically the same age, we've got kids the same age as each other, we both own our houses and are self employed, to one degree or another. We're genuinely not too different from one another. And yet..... And yet. When I drive home tomorrow, (probably risking my license to get back in time because I fucked up and forgot to go postal ) I'm not doing it because I think it'll be best for me, It's for our nippers. Unless your laddie turns out to be a secret genius, chances are he'll end up working for the biggest employer his local area, or a supply company entirely dependent on them- we're talking Nissan, obviously. Same goes for my nipper too. Chances are, he'll be looking for graft locally, starting his own business, or, if he's lucky, working abroad. Both kids, in whatever scenario you want to envisage, stand a better chance of making something of their lives if we remain a part of the wider European community. Ignore Boris, Gove, Farage, all those cunts, listen to your Uncle Fist. You know I'm right.

C'mon lads, I'm not the only one who read that as Vag.... ... Lads..... c'mon, help

Thankfully, she's a proper minge fiend. Even though I'm a big old rufty-tufty blokey bloke, I reckon if it came to a cock-off, I'd be face down in tears

I'd say he's Kebab Meat with Chips- proper 50/50

I'm currently working around Cumbria/Ayrshire inspecting bridges , with a proper Greenham Common old skool lesbican. ( No shit, she's fucking superb, does not give the slightest of fucks*) She wouldn't be seen dead in CT's Skechers as they're just toooo Dykey. ( yes, I showed her them and asked the question) * Carillion auditor turned up today on site and started asking questions regarding our rigging. Milly Tant shot him down in flames, saying, in the nicest way I've ever heard, that he wasn't fit to even spell Rope Access, never mind question us about it. He basically did the head down, "Sorry Miss" schoolboy apology. It was a joy to behold

Fucking great man.

Look up his paternal grandfather and great grandfather- Osman Kemal and Ali Kemal respectively.

Did you buy it at Boundary Mills when you bought your Grandad shoes?

Someone please do AntAndDec, replacing the large fore headed Ant with the insect variety.

Aye. I'd never played the first two. You'll get the shit kicked out of you in fights for the first few hours, but it's absolutely, without question, worth sticking with it. One of the best games I've played.

M Scat? Dirrrty beeatch.

Immunity is great.

So, when you discover your beautiful, sensitive, copper-haired 8yr old daughter has caught the dreaded dickies from some little skip-rat at school, Mrs.Fist reckons it's immature to back in to a corner, making a cross and hissing " Unclean! Unclean! Burn the Witch!" Obviously, I disagree.

Woah, dude! Get off of his back!

He would, if it wasn't in fucking Yorkshire

Were baked potatoes involved?

How many shares do you own in The Yorkshire Fucking Show Plc?