Monkeys Fist

Hope Ma HMHM comes through it all ok mate. My Mrs’ mother and sister have both been through multiple rounds of treatment for various cancers, both all clear for a few years, but it’s a fucker when it’s happening.

He won’t understand that. CT- Alex is saying you’re gayer than a bucket of cocks.

Blackmail meaning no skeetatch for a week if you didn’t?

“Dear Diary…”

Winner winner chicken dinner, innit?

Best royal wedding in his lifetime.

Daily Mailed YP.

Dirty bastard.

I queried why the entire western media were shitting themselves over the skirt’s dad not going, when not a single one of them commented on Harry’s dad not going either. Thankfully I’m grafting so I’ll miss the whole shit show.

ffs, you’ve got to be a special kind of cunt to kill your own kids, especially in circumstances like this.

Coincidentally, a 30,000 tonne pile of shite has gone up in flames in sunderland http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-44173139

You’ll need a better defence than that mate

I agree, it is, but that’s not the point you spanner

Is June out of High School yet?

So, it seems that this Donald bloke is paying £40 million for them ( ), and his right hand man is an Old Etonian called Charlie Methven, who has said that Margaret Thatcher would be one of his three “ legendary dinner guests”. Cue “ Maggie was a decent sort really, massive MLF apparently” threads on Ready To Groom in T-5 minutes and counting.

Coventry, Sunderland and Bristol (?) were all possible relegation candidates on the last day of the season about 500 fucking years ago, Coventry were playing Bristol, word got through that the Mackems were losing and so both teams took the foot off the gas and played out a draw. Quite how Bristol escaped the deadly wrath of wearside I don’t know, maybe they were one of the mackem’s legendary, imaginary allies?

It’s usually best if you wait until after puberty, like, Adam.

Once again, explosions involving US citizens called Talmadge. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44149281 Don’t call your kids Talmadge,folks.

I don’t think I’ve posted my all-time favourite joke yet this year. Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint. In walks his mate, Gauguin, who says, ” Alreet Vinny, fancy a pint?” Vincent says, ” No thanks, I’ve got one ‘ere.”

I went to the doctors today as I’m a bit worried that I’ve got hearing problems. He asked my to describe the symptoms. I said “ Well, Homer’s a fat bloke and Marge has got blue hair.”

So, Mrs.F dropped a bomb today- she wants a divorce. She says I’m just stumbling through life with no sense of direction. I wasn’t having it, so I packed my bags and right.

They play havoc with Uranus.

Get your coat.