Monkeys Fist

I’ve heard that he’ll cost more than Ashworth, but if we want success that’s just the price toupé.

Buy good players, win some trophies, rinse and repeat.

Is he working at the minute? Need to be sure the compo deal is realistic and we don’t … … are you ready @Gemmill?… … GET SCALPED!!!!!!!

Has this on my “to read” list for a while, but I keep putting it off…

He’s worth it.

My old man had a Beige Allegro, quite possibly the shittest car ever made. As if that’s not bad enough, when the first one fell to bits, he got another In the above photo it isn’t cornering, that’s just how shit the suspension ( amongst numerous other things) was.

That picture reeks of stale cigars and whisky breath.

I’m disappointed it’s not a B reg

My current “drive it to work, drive it back” is one of these French pieces of shite. It does 0-50 in about half an hour, the Frogs couldn’t be arsed doing a proper right-hand drive conversion so the passenger side windscreen clears first in cold weather, then about a week later the drivers side follows suite. It does have a spin cycle and low temp wash cycle, though. It’s that basic that there’s not really much to go wrong.

Nope.

You can guarantee whichever mouth breather came up with those conditions; 1- Watches The Apprentice. Every night. 2- Wears a pale purple shirt with a slightly darker purple tie, done in a wide Windsor knot. 3- Hasn’t seen his own cock since first school. 4- Still uses Brylcreem.

This might be why it’s falling to bits

Curiously, most of the digital Vag Gogh’s have gone for the “gutted rabbit” look when depicting the Vorderman nethers, whereas I imagine she’s a “last turkey on the shelf” type of gal. If any of you lads are still on Twatter, can you ask her , for scientific purposes ?

If you type certain combinations of words, ending with Vorderman, in to Google images, you get to see some truly magnificent photoshop artistry, so a friend tells me.

Looks like he skipped bicep day.

Stands for Always, as in… S- underland A - lways F- ucking C - hildren

Talented bloke the chap on the left. Had a massive hit in Romania with ” Săbii de o Mie de Oameni“

That must add a little frisson to cocktail hour, aye?

Very simple solution this… … but it would inevitably lead to VAR for the VAR.

Kets were sweets, Cogley ( or, as he said it, cockley) was feeling ill Varney ( pronounced var nigh) was nearly. On your honkers was crouching. Clarts was mud or dirt “ Ya hacky wi’ clarts” My Grandad and Dad used loads of them on that list tbh, and there’s a fair few I do.

sunderland to Bilbao, by bike, in 24hrs? Aye, Marra’s

Aye, it’s fucking terrifying tbh. The drone footage at the end of the clip shows him being engulfed at the end of the run, with what appears to be a jet ski emerging from the mess to pick him up. Insane.

I say this every time I get a Whitley delivery run. If anyone is wondering why it’s impossible to get hold of a plumber, it’s because every fucking one of them is working in Whitley fucking Bay installing bathrooms for cunts. I delivered a bathroom set yesterday to some mid-30s couple. The lad opened the boxes to check for damages, and came upon what looked like a lampshade made of bottle green glass. “ What’s this?” he says to Mrs. “ The sink” He looked at me, and we had one of those silent conversation with eyebrows Him- “ Ffs!” Me - “ You let her pick without looking at it didn’t you?” Him- “Aye… baaaastard!” Me - “ Curb your enthusiasm gif”

Mine would intermittently, but often enough to be a problem, lose power momentarily, but only whilst accelerating, never whilst cruising at a steady speed. Put it in to the dealer numerous times, and they didn’t have a fucking clue, to the point where I think they thought I was trying it on ( which made no sense?) 6 months after I bought it, I a took it to them and said “ fix the fucking thing or give me my money back, plus interest “ I was fairly agitated tbh I told them to give me an exact replacement and keep mine until it was fixed, which they did, tbf. Two weeks after I put it in, I got a call from a mechanic who’d been tasked with the problem- it was a tiny hole in one of the pistons. Fixed it and I kept it for 3 years without another issue.