Monkeys Fist

Of course you don’t, Lee, of course you don’t. Ask your Mam when she brings your tea down.

It’ll more likely be something else, Thompers.

Your patter reeks. When I used to work on the ropes, we had the BT call centres and high rise admin contract. The one in Glasgow had this fucking huge woman as facilities manger, I mean she had a gunt that could run an oil burning generator for a year or two. Fucking massive. She was also an absolute twat, the type who treated contractors as if she was paying them with her own money. Everywhere else for BT, I’d have a few minutes chat with the FM, then get the lads together and have a quick toolbox talk. This fucking whale insisted on having the whole crew in the FM office and she’d go through each floor of the building, telling us where “extra care” was needed, where was “parrrticularrly duurty” etc. One time, we had a few new lads with us, so just before we went in to her office I turned around, got all the lads attention and said ” I’m sure you’ve heard the tales about Moby here- all true. One very important thing lads, whatever you do, don’t picture her shitting on her glass coffee table back home” Then opened the door and ushered everyone in. It was fucking glorious- as she started listing off smears and stains I could hear the lads behind biting their tongues, cough/laughing, turning in to Finbarr Saunders- a couple excused themselves saying they needed the toilet. Worked a fucking treat

As a surprise for your dinner guest?

More of a glass coffee table chap, myself.

Who’s this cunt?

Aye, unlike his highly versatile vegetable namesake, there’s only layer to him- shite.

Unless he literally drops dead in full view of several right wing camera crews, when he does eventually permanently fuck off, the conspiracy theories are going to be absolutely out of this world. Can’t Fucking Wait.

That has to be one of my all time favourite non-sweary insults.

Met a necrophiliac. He was dead boring.

Aye. They probably would be safer in Rwanda.

Also,

I don’t think you would, unless you have a cracking pair of tits edit; maybe you would - she’s an “omnivore”.

Am I fuck merging this, just for the comedy value.

His barber is clearly a big Braveheart fan.

If that lardbucket has ever walked to a pasture, I’ll vote Tory

Him, Bruce and Hippo Heed. All managed the Morlocks, all failed to land the Newton Heath gig. What a shitty exclusive club to be in.

Paging @wykikitoon

I mean, for what it would cost to buy them, I could get both my kids a basic model Dacia. The entertainment value though- priceless.

Yes you would.

Still cheaper than 6 gallons of Loyd Grossman’s Chicken Bhuna twice a week, especially when you factor in plumbing repairs and adult nappies.

We’ve been in some uncomfortable financial straits recently, but the light at the end of the tunnel is rapidly nearing and burning bright. So, we said “Fuck it” Bought steaks from Block and Bottle yesterday and just had them for Sunday lunch. 5/7. Would definitely have again.

Fyp