Monkeys Fist

Aye, but … 6 in a row! Wibble.

I might have knocked one out on the back of your head, then

Shame that. She caused significant stirrings in the juvenile me.

Once I’ve moved in to the new gaff, I’ll try one whilst admiring my stained glass.

Lovely. Have you tried a smidgen of Midori with it? With a few frozen grapes it’s to die for…

What proportion of Rum to Asda Coke do you generally mix ?

Aye, but I didn’t commission the fucker, it was already there when I bought it. I think the grey and white will complement the dead seagulls in the chimney though.

Really?? Thought you said you were fucking off, Richard? Is it really that dull in Stourbridge?

So, had decorators at the new gaf all last week, painting all rooms downstairs and the hall, stairs and upstairs landing. Me and Mrs.F agreed on the colour scheme in advance, which was this throughout. Simple, smart etc. Until the morning the decorators arrived to start. As I’m letting them in, going over the job, phone call from Dear Mrs.F. She’s changed her mind and wants a different colour in the main sitting room. “No problem” says I through gritted teeth, tell the lads, they laugh, but no worries, problem solved and everyone’s happy. Three days later, they finish, pack up and send the invoice. Mrs.F, loves the grey scheme, really loves it. Goes in to the sitting room, who’s colour she changed at the last minute. You know what’s coming. Mrs. F… Me… Un… fucking… real.

This lot are decent.

Next time you burst your yolk over a nice bit of gammon, think of Kellyanne.

Thought I’d wait until after lunch before posting that.

I’ve always used Gammon as slang for the loose and dangling nethers of “ladies of a certain age”, so, ” I bet Kellyanne Conway’s gammons look like a gutted rabbit” ” At this moment in her Premiership, Theresa May needs a fucking sturdy kick in the gammon” and so forth. I guess applying it to middle-aged Tory blokes fits quite well, since they’re also flabby, often ignored cuntflaps.

Found CT’s Mackem account, then

Giddup!

Ma Fist has just told me at lunch that her and Pa Fist saw the Harlem Globetrotters… at St.James Park in 1959!

He won! England beat Italy in walking-football with Charlton brother http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-44100523

Batten down the hatches mate, that can only mean there’s a shitstorm on the way.

Tessa Jowell, 70.

Hasn’t it.

Btw @Meenzer, as much as I despise UK Nazis, that wasn’t me Hats off to the lass, mind, what a fucking trooper.

Fixed

Ahh, how poignant this is. Take note chaps, even if you’re so drunk you’ve become fluent in Azerbaijani, and you’ve chucked the muck up an absolute munter, never deny the resultant foetus your attention… even fat dog-fanciers need a daddy. Gunter Von Hundeficker here is what happens when Dads ignore/deny/hate their lucky spunks. Don’t create another one of it, lads. The world only has a finite amount of attention to give to corpulent failures.

Will you fuck, you absolute attention whore. We’ve got all your other accounts noted already man. What a fucking whopper you are.