Monkeys Fist

Coventry, Sunderland and Bristol (?) were all possible relegation candidates on the last day of the season about 500 fucking years ago, Coventry were playing Bristol, word got through that the Mackems were losing and so both teams took the foot off the gas and played out a draw. Quite how Bristol escaped the deadly wrath of wearside I don’t know, maybe they were one of the mackem’s legendary, imaginary allies?

It’s usually best if you wait until after puberty, like, Adam.

Once again, explosions involving US citizens called Talmadge. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44149281 Don’t call your kids Talmadge,folks.

I don’t think I’ve posted my all-time favourite joke yet this year. Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint. In walks his mate, Gauguin, who says, ” Alreet Vinny, fancy a pint?” Vincent says, ” No thanks, I’ve got one ‘ere.”

I went to the doctors today as I’m a bit worried that I’ve got hearing problems. He asked my to describe the symptoms. I said “ Well, Homer’s a fat bloke and Marge has got blue hair.”

So, Mrs.F dropped a bomb today- she wants a divorce. She says I’m just stumbling through life with no sense of direction. I wasn’t having it, so I packed my bags and right.

They play havoc with Uranus.

Get your coat.

Did you miss the UI out from the middle?

Sorry mate, this isn’t your Mumsnet account.

Does the hair loss extend to downstairs, because “I’ve heard from a friend” that losing the Brillo makes the old chap look larger. Every cloud, an’ that. Best of luck mate, it’s shitty that it’s happened but sounds like the odds are very much on your side.

Right, that’s it. I’m deleting Margot’s muff. Btw. “Friend” and “gang” Aye, right.

I know she’s probably still warm, but here’s Lois Lane with her Thrupennies and Growler hinging oot. Spoilered because there’s more bush than Hampton Court maze and some of the young bucks aren’t used to pubes.

Yes and yes.

Ideal scenario- drags on all summer, fails the day before the transfer window closes.

Aye, someone told him it was closer to London than Edinburgh.

I honestly think it’s 50/50 at best to go through. He’s an insurance salesman, there’s a very distinct lack of specifics around the whole thing. It’s going to go tits up. ( even if it doesn’t, though, he’s an insurance salesman. ).

I think we should we have an open training session where, after each kick, Chris Waddle walks in to view and tries to say, “Penalty”. I’d watch.

It’s not like it would take a tactical genius to run the practice session either. “ Here you go lads, fucking welly it in the corner”.

I can’t pin down why, but I have an inkling this is about to go tits up, which would be very chucklesome. Sunderland: Stewart Donald to meet with EFL executives about takeover http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44153345

We could be in for a cruel summer. I’ll get me coat.

If we get to the knockout stages, which we won’t, it’s guaranteed we’ll end up in a penalty shoot out. What advice can Exciting Gareth possibly give, beyond “ sign up with Pizza Hut lads”?