Monkeys Fist

It was a nice day so I took her up the Ingram Valley.

Seafood 4+ times a week, dick pics followed by a cattle-prod. Sorted

You kinky bitch.

You what?

Sounds like a cracking night out, tbh.

“ Below the breadline”.

I suspect this is entirely authentic. Wooler… not even once.

I’m steering my daughter towards Lesbicanism because prom suits are waaay cheaper.

Their nearest two clubs are Bradford City and… … Accrington Stanley

Who said anything about malleable? This was a feckin’ turd girder.

Just watched HIGNFY, hosted by comedy bushpig Jo Brand, but with ridiculously lovely journo Mona Chalabi. I was like…

Somewhat stunned. My 7yr-old lad has just produced a shite that would put an elephant to shame. The fucking thing was monumental, I’d estimate if you stood the fucker on its end it’d be a third his height. He seems totally unfazed, but I’m poised and ready to run him down to A&E in case his hoop has a delayed reaction later and attempts to consume the nearest star. Proud as punch, if I’m honest.

Actually, I guarantee they haven’t considered how they’ll retrieve the many, many balls that end up getting wellied in to the closed sections. Some poor cunt will be spending their Saturdays legging it around the upper tiers howking balls back down to the pitch, double-quick as the budget won’t stretch to more than one spare matchball.

Only the Mackems could fail so comprehensively 3 months before a ball is competitively skied in to the closed sections of The Bungalow of No Lights. Samson the fucking Cat

They truly are the gift that keeps on giving.

Yes.

@Christmas Tree , found this cracking set of garden furniture mate, dirt cheap but built to last. http:/www.topqualitygardengearformackems.com

The closest Penfold gets to working out is when he runs and hides from any decisions.

If you had to run anywhere it’d be like scrotal Clackers (perfectly SFW linky, btw )