Monkeys Fist

Wooden tit.

So I heard today about a woman that had budget breast implants made of cheap Scandinavian Pine. (This would be funnier with a punchline)

We all know you were in there getting matching accessories for your Hairdresser wheels. There’s no shame in it you know

Ant, you must try one of the artisan pastries from the ultra fancy bakers, Greggs.

I expect the other Sir Alex Ferguson is tapping his watch and mouthing “extra time”? The red-nosed cunt

Do you sit at home and tell yourself how many walls your room has?

Did you forget where you heard it first, drop a bit of soup on your bib, then suddenly remember where you heard it first, and quote yourself, in case you once again forgot where you heard it first? Or are you just a dull fucker?

Can’t polish a turd.

Aye, nice one Strawb, hope your results are all A1. Given the current weather, I’ve heard a rumour that frozen grapes added to white wine are on trend. ( Sounds like the height of poncery to me, mind, you’re better off sticking to manly ale ).

Textbook WUM response, that mind.

His gums, then gullet, then…

Also, I’d take Alex’s advice, KD. I’ve covered some ground up there by road and, whilst it’s stunning scenery, it’s full on exhausting driving any great distance. 150 miles a day, in a VW camper, is mental. You’ll be in 2nd (or 3rd if find a straight), gear most of the time.

I’d also recommend doing this at Ullapool.

Aye, I’ve enjoyed it- Bob Mortimer is like a naughty child.

Typical Tory. Lies first, then denies it.

Fucking God-botherer now, are we?

Fixed that for you

Who read it to you?

Go to Keswick mate. It’s got some mint museums…

The Shitter is never going to be allowed to forget his discrapency.

East Fife 4 Forfar 5 - the comedy result that finally came true (on penalties) http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44916496

Except that Langas bloke is a Newcastle fan

I think he means South Gosforth- the roadworks are insane!