Monkeys Fist

Welcome to Scotland

Is that what it was… … I wasn’t sure.

We have standards, man, standards. Granted, they’re pretty low, but standards nonetheless.

Think I’d rather be on it

So, I had a skinful last night, but Mrs.Fist woke me up at about 3am saying there was someone knocking on the door. I was not a happy bunny. Went downstairs, opened the door, and there’s a bloke there, drenched, who says, ” Really sorry to bother you, but is there any chance of a push?” I told him to fuck off, it was 3am, and went stomping back to bed. Mrs.F asked who it was, then told me I’d been a bit of a twat, and reminded of how we’d broken down a month earlier and some bloke had gone out of his way to help us. She was right, so I got dressed and went back down, opened the door… no one there. I shouted out “ If you still need a push, I’ll help you out!” A voice from the garden, “ Yes please!” It was pitch black so I said “ Where are you?” ” Over here on the swing”.

Has he ever been right?

Two snowmen in the garden, one looks at the other, sniffs the air, and says, ” Can you smell carrots?” Aaaanyway, Christmas tree and house decs are going up right now in the new gaff. Its so stressful, me and Mrs. F. are hammering the Lovely Sherries like there’s no tomorrow.

Isn’t it easier to list who isn’t on Wykiki’s List?

The global distribution map - fuck Australia

Imagine if you or I had 11 years experience of a job and still got it so immensely wrong…

“If”.

My interest is piqued. Loved New Vegas, and Fallout 4, 76 can get to fuck though. If there’s settlement building in this, take my money now.

Got to give them credit for the jauntily crossed legs, though.

Get out.

Ah shit.

A lad I know was in Weardale Mountain Rescue when it happened. They helped find and recover debris and body parts from within Kielder Forest. Gruesome.

CT is out for Pub Night, on his own, annoying the fuck out of the poor bar staff. In walks Terry Fuckwit from Viz, and sits next to his brethren. After a few seconds of trying to count, they get bored and start watching the 10pm news, just as a report of some guy threatening to jump off the Tyne Bridge comes on. Terry slaps £50 down and says, ” I bet you he jumps!” CT slaps a tenner down and says ” Bet you he doesn’t! ” As soon as he’s finished speaking, the bloke on the bridge launches himself in to a swan dive and becomes pavement pizza within seconds. CT congratulates Terry and hands him his winnings. Terry guiltily says, ” I can’t take your money, fatty, I’d already seen the same report on the 6pm news” CT replies, ” Me too, but I didn’t think he’d be daft enough to jump this time.”

I didn’t know Brian Harvey had moved to Florida

So Mrs. Fist came in from work today and said, (subtle as a brick), “ Three of the girls at work had flowers delivered from their partners. They were beautiful…” I said “ That’s probably why they got the flowers.” Any ideas how to reduce the swelling on my black eye?

Take no notice of wykikitoon, folks… … hee aww, hee awwlways says that.

Any of the medical types on here know if it’s possible to donate a skin graft from my buttock to a non-family member? Just arse skin for a friend.

Mrs. Fist threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop singing Oasis songs. I said “Maybe”…