Monkeys Fist

“Friends of Aslan”

What a pack of wankers. Its not as if there’s any meat in the normal ones anyway

“ What’s his agent’s address Stewart? My mate Adam just wants to go round and shit on his garden bench”.

Aye, South end of Bassenthwaite is officially only a “kick in the arse” away from Keswick. You’re not far from Newlands Valley, which is a really nice part of the area. Cockermouth, in the other direction, is home to Jennings Brewery, if you need a wet weather alternative.

FYP

“ Sawt it aaaht Charnley”…

Or, you know, El- Dr Alexei Luca Samuel Gabriel Von Sonderburg-Glucksburgerino, if you’re not in to the whole brevity thing.

Has anyone sussed out which cabinet member’s family runs them yet?

A few years ago.

Thats why mums go to Iceland.

How’s the weather in Teeside?

Bought it today. I might get a go on it this time next week by the time the data disk has loaded/I’ve managed to drag Fist Jnr off Fort-fucking-Nite. I shall be studying my horses knackers intently for the first few hours, as you do.

No. He can’t. When this becomes evident to their 20,000 regulars, their stadium nickname will become literal.

Was it a tactical vomit, enabling you to carry on with the imbibing, or was were you talking to God on the big white telephone?

Take yourself to a field. Dig a hole. Get in it. Don’t get out. Fuck off with your Make England Great Again. We are voluntarily becoming a 3rd world country. How you can rejoice in this shitshow is genuinely beyond me.

It’s not Irish New Year until next week mate.

Best Bond Girl of All Time. Fight me.

But you DIDN’T have a STARTER!!!’

It’s become a bit of a tradition in my family that I cook a spinach and lentil curry for NYD dinner for the vegetarian portion of the family, so that’s bubbling away on the hob now,then overnight in the fridge for the flavours to go daft, beers are chilled and going down smooth, waiting for Mrs.F. to return from the cinema with the Little Shites and then we will be eating a meal… a succulent Chinese meal. Happy New Year you pack of scurvy dogs.

I’ve heard this Prozac kid is an up-and-coming raumdeuter, with the ability to phase his feet in and out of play… … @The Fish, worth a punt?

She’s definitely seen the mushroom.

You ever been? It’s a lot closer to the truth than you may imagine.

The Tory councillor questioning the deal is this bloke… Is looking like a shit Andy Warhol a prerequisite now for Tory blokes, along with general cuntery?