Monkeys Fist

It would certainly improve the commentary if they did.

“ Newcastle have a measure control- virtually for the first time all night. 2-0 up, 72 minutes.

They’re away to Man U , someone said so earlier

Imagine Tyldsley’s sex patter- I hope his Mrs. is deaf.

Dan fucking Burn

Dixon an expert on Vaseline application. There’s a shock.

They’re STILL fucking banging on about it.

“ There’s plenty to debate about that goal” No. There fucking isn’t.

Fanny time.

No, Longstaff mate.

They don’t do knobbly knees like they used to…

I know he’s short, but that’s harsh

Is that NDoggie with Peter W?

Recovery rates mate- I’m 55.

Lads, if you want a timeless classic of TV, here you go. BRIAN BLESSED on Pobs Programme. You all made me do it.

Do we need to start a separate “ Mumsnet Traitors” thread here or what? Ffs lads.

He’ll never pay it- he has a long history of never paying what owes. The more important question, to me anyway, is that America is ok with a legally guilty rapist being the leading opposition Presidential candidate? I know it was a civil case as opposed to a criminal case, but even so, wtf? “Trump was shown the photograph he had characterized as a reception line at a charity event, but proceeded to mistakenly identify the image of Carroll as his second wife, Marla Maples, despite his first wife Ivana Trump also being in the picture;[3] upon recognizing his mistake, he protested that the photo was "very blurry". He then confirmed that all of his wives were his "type", and that by type he primarily meant physical type.[54] Despite attacking Carroll for not remembering the exact year of the alleged incident, Trump was unable to state the exact years of the beginning or end of any of his marriages when asked, and claimed that he was unsure if he had any extramarital affairs during his first marriage (including with Maples, despite this affair having regularly featured in New York tabloids).” “Trump reiterated in his deposition that he did not know Carroll before she sued him, calling her a "nut job" and inaccurately asserting that in her CNN interview with Anderson Cooper she "actually indicated that she loved" the alleged assault and "said it was very sexy to be raped".[52][20] (Carroll had actually said, "I was not thrown on the ground and ravished, which... The word rapecarries so many sexual connotations. This was not—this was not sexual. It just hurt. ... I think most people think of rape as being sexy.")[20][21][17] He said Carroll alleged he "swooned" her, a word he said he used because he thought it would be more polite than saying fucked.[54] When asked if he had made the statements in the Access Hollywood tape (e.g., "when you're a star, [beautiful women] let you do it. They let you do anything. ... grab 'em by the pussy"), Trump responded, "Well, historically, that's true with stars. If you look over the last million years, that's largely true, unfortunately or fortunately." He then agreed that he was such a "star".

This side of him only emerged in the last two weeks or so, it was fucking hilarious tbh because he seemed to be sooo relieved to finally get it off his chest. Your old man and his Uncle being Tunnel Buddies with a pious Church wife is the most normal Borders thing tbh

My lass’s grandad and your grandad have the same surname and lived within a 20 mile radius of each other. It’s the Borders- you have sheep and/or you have cousins. I’m definitely banging your relative

@PaddockLad, going back to the original pic of your old man, I’ve been hunting for a certain pic of my old boy in a regimental kilt and Tam O’Shanter taken when he was in Kingston, Jamaica, but I think it’s at Grandma Fist’s. It’s a puzzler because he was originally in the Durham Light Infantry but then, as I mentioned, got “volunteered” to go to the Duke of Cornwall's Light Infantry who were stationed in Kingston- neither should be wearing sweaty skirts? I spent a lot of time with the old man in the last months of his life, and he really opened up about his time over there. He’d always been a dapper bugger, and a few weeks after arriving at the Kingston barracks he was told to report to the head honcho- naturally, he was shitting it, but it turned out that his Sergeant had given him excellent reports in his kit inspections and the Big Cheese offered him the role of his personal batman and driver. He took it without realising what a cushy number it was initially, but he basically got paid to be an informal butler with loads of perks and time off. Like I said, I learned all this just sitting chatting with him in his last months, but towards the end when the cancers started hitting his brain, one of the early effects was that he lost ALL filters, having previously been an absolute gent. One of the funniest things was him ringing up his first proper girlfriend, who was now in her eighties, and asking her if he’d been a better shag than her husband, who she’d met after my dad went to the Caribbean. I grabbed the phone off him to apologise to the old dear, but she was laughing her spaniels off because it apparently wasn’t the first call he’d made to her that week. Also, it seems Pa Fist was a bit of a shagger ( yes, I know, what a shock ). When I mentioned that he found a love for Caribbean spice, it wasn’t just the food- it seems that, barring a miscarriage, I have a Jamaican half sibling. This fucking killed me tbh, because as I said, his “polite” filters were gone, and he said that the lass, a local, was the one who cut off contact after telling him she was pregnant. He was posted to Belize a few weeks after then sailed back home from there. He said it was his only regret in his life and he was glad to tell finally someone. So, if they made it, my Jamaican sibling would be approaching their 70th birthday or thereabouts- I’d love to find them, but am I fuck sending my DNA to some company to do it. Aaaanyway, I’ll hoy the kilt pic up if I can find it at Ma Fists.

Aye, for the common as muck Pattersons, whereas the more refined and classy Patersons are “ sons of the men who had good Paters”. Top Dad Lads. Mrs. is very touchy about the difference between the One T and Two T mobs

I did a bit of it for her when I was doing mine. Her paternal grandad was registered at Kelso ( I think, might’ve been Jedburgh), but I couldn’t get much further back with the paternal line of hers- her Dad was a massive gambler and left them when she was fairly young, so I couldn’t get any more info.