Monkeys Fist

Finding a non-hairy minge?

Earned my trucker wings this morning. On the M11, the part where it’s two lanes- I came up behind a group of ten wagons, all of which were doing 2-3mph less than me. Looked behind, stacks of cars, looked at the time, 6:15am, so I’m allowed in the right lane as it’s before 7am. Indicate, pull out, hit cruise control and begin the slowest overtake of the most trucks I’ve done so far. Kept looking in the mirror, and the line of cars was ever growing, checked my progress, slow, but advancing. Felt a stirring in the loins Twenty minutes later, I passed the leading wagon of the ten, got a cheeky headlight flash to let me know I was clear, and pulled across. By this time, I could literally feel the waves of rage coming from the cars behind, it was like getting the best BJ of your life, then feeling your balls getting tickled just as you arrive in Cockermouth. I was rock hard, laughing like a bastard, and counting the Audis as they flew past. Fucking glorious

I heard they leave them at home and buy a new one when they get there from a passing MLF sailor.

Mate of mine saw him coming out of an offy on Clayton St. the other week. About 10:30am, Six pack of cans and already off his lips. What a sad state to be in.

I fucking hated Francis Jeffers, the jug-eared, wife-beating, shithouse, and I was very pleased his career turned to absolute fucking gash after he fucked the Scouse mackems off Oh aye, RIP Kev.

Write him a letter, petal. KCG 5-1 Braveheart Close Glesgae North Britain.

I’m happy to say that Ma Fist is still a rabid socialist at 84. She refers to Sunak as The Mantlepiece because you could rest your elbow on him… … she’s 5’0”.

@PaddockLadd YP for you Wykiki. 👍

Oof. I can only offer this.

Try her with this one.

No. 2 ?

Late to the party, but…

Rope nonce

What was his name? Not John Dunne, was it?

No, Kilnsey was for the elite boys when I was grimping. I was good but not elite good

Mate of mine started working at an upholstery factory last year, I’ve just heard that 6 months ago he fell in to one of the fabric wrapping machines. He’s fully recovered

Malham Cove? I’ve climbed there once or twice.

KR’dyp.

When you’ve no chance of getting elected, there’s nothing to lose.

Reading that, it’s more likely to have been a young emu. No chance you’d get an ostrich in a bag Also, there’s a picture of an emu, labelled as an ostrich

New kink unlocked ✅

I was sacked from the same job three times. 17-18 yrs old , Kielder Calvert Trust working as instructor. 1st time was for being late- I even lived on site, but slept in When the gaffer told me I was sacked I replied “ But I’m a volunteer- you can’t sack me” Which, whilst cheeky was technically correct, so he told me to “fuck off home for a week and then we’ll see” They rang me three days later asking if I could come back. 2nd time was for chinning this lad who was there building an extension, when I heard him saying some pretty unpleasant things about one of the lasses that worked there. I was full time employed by this point, and the lad was a proper little fucking rat that even his workmates hated- so, the sacking was pretty half-hearted. They rang me week later and offered me my job back, again. 3rd time was for banging the shit out of a visiting carer- Pixie cut hair, ballet dancer, flexible as fuck and filthy with it. 100% worth it. Again, they rang me a week later but I fucked them off this time as I’d got a job as a climbing instructor near Keswick.

Got a link?