Monkeys Fist

I’m not 100% convinced this Putin is the same one as the one that gave Yeltsin his final vodka.

Better quality shoplifting marra

Frankie Howerd as Yoda

Is it in Cramlington?

The Tory Twoccer, now I’ve heard everything

Fair Point.

Dee-Lite, memorable for an absolute banger and an absolute bang her of a catsuit.

Oh dear Roberto Without wanting to compound your misery on the night your lads just got tae fuck, I’ve got to say this is a strange hill to choose to die on, especially as you’re 100% wrong Let’s assume that Crazy In Love was the best track of the 21st C when it was realised in May 2003 ( it wasn’t). Its crown had barely had time to settle before it had its, admittedly fucking lovely, arse kicked three months later when this absolute Pop masterpiece was released. To prove it’s position as the best track of 2003, just tune in to your local commercial radio breakfast show, and after listening to Jenny and Jonno ,( or Kim and Kev, or whatever pair of vacuous window-lickers they have), wittering on about how they don’t understand coffee, or woke up scared of shoes, whatever verbal shite they spout, within 10 minutes it’ll be played. Every day, every station, still, over twenty years after its release. Why? Because it’s a an amazing pop record- you can not listen to it without at least one part of your body involuntarily tapping out the rhythm. Every cunt likes it- you can not go to a wedding, Christmas party, retirement do, family BBQ, whatever, without it inevitably being played. It’s a masterpiece. I’ll accept your apologies by proxy, as you’re obviously going to be busy crying in to your pint of Bucky, or approving new memberships to the Queen Bey Official Fan Club.

Aye, Pompeii has been on my list for ages.

Did you stay in a hotel or Airb&b mate? I’m leaning towards a hotel because, well, fuck doing my own dishes and that, but a nice AB&B has advantages too.

Someone didn’t Hawk Tuah Dougle last night

On the corner of the canal, looking at this, mostly. There’s a nice little cafe there so you can have a “wee swally “ between bombing runs

We accept your resignation, then, cheers. We’ll give you a week’s notice from now before the Ban Hammer strikes

Banged flat and covered in barnacles?

Just watch Adam Pearson.

I thought she lived next door to the Wolf of Bong Street?

Aye, I’m prepared to be cattle-herded around the Coliseum, but am I fuck standing 6 deep watching some tart pose for The Gram* in front of a fucking fountain I quite fancy seeing the Catacombs, there seems to be quite a few different ones so I’ll look in to that. I’ve heard from several folk that Roman pizza is a bit shite, Fist Jnr will be devastated * when we were in Brüges , we made it a little game to see how many Instatwats we could photobomb just as they were about to click the shutter- you’d think their duck lips couldn’t get any poutier, but after the third time of me wandering in to frame whilst adjusting the Jewels, believe me, they can

Posh mackemed YP

Mrs. F. wants 4-5 days in Rome , looking at mid-September- ( to avoid the Viking flavoured daughter frying). I’m guessing that 5 days will be ample time to see the sights at a leisurely pace, and that, since it’s the Capital, it won’t be shut Must see’s for me are the Coliseum, The Forum, a day getting “lost” and finding a god-level trattoria, a market, and some bang-tidy Roman flange deposits in the Wank Bank ( I have some wraparound shades which are cracking perv goggles). Mrs. F. wants to go to the Vatican… I’m distinctly in the “meh” camp on that one, but I’ll probably end up going. Any tips, must-sees I’ve not mentioned, must-avoids, or scran recommendations?

I know someone who’s likely selling an “outdoor sofa”. Needs the cash as he’s spunked his savings on bitchcoins.

“ Only way to git over one is to git under another !” Seems like a proper sort.

Isn’t it? I didn’t know until recently that it’s built around a drum sample from The Meters’ recording of “Oh Calcutta” Aye, fucked if I can tell either edit; it’s pretty obviously at around 2:40.

Fucks The Minors. ( but only if they’re related).

Climbs a ladder, takes down its knickers, and shits on Swifty and Buy Once from a great height.