Monkeys Fist

I see your French is coming on… stick at le.

I’ve driven down the main bit of Lloret de Mar once or twice , blagged some free nights out in Ester’s Tit and had some lovely scram in Tossa (Giddup)and Rosas, but I have also never sampled the delights of Benidorm. Can I have £5?

You have man, you just didn’t have the right glasses on.

If only he had.

Not nearly as bad as Lucy Letby though.

He’s thinking “ I can finally afford my second tat sleeve”

What about Hustler and Razzle?

I got to “canny pint of snakebite” and middle-classed my way on out. Apparently though, Sandra’s 24hr Supermercado does 12 packs of pocket cheese.

You can pay certain ladies to bury the knuckles if you’re not keen on doctors, so I’m told.

Some further reading for you.

BBC - Big bloody camera.

Doctor Bukkake will see you now.

I hope they washed it between uses.

Sky has suppressed the footage of all the epileptic Villa fans giving it Wobbly Bob immediately after this mackem-level shitshow.

I worked with a lad who “collected” a particular phrase in different languages. This was pre-internet, so he only did it by meeting people that spoke the varying languages. If I remember correctly he’d got somewhere in the twenties, which is pretty feckin good, his favourite being the Finnish. The phrase was “ You have a head like an Oak tree “.

Naturlich.

Lesson 3 In An Occasional Series- Uncle Fist’s Travel Toilet Travails. Hot Tip- if caught short in a town centre with nowhere to have a piss, whilst empty thermos flasks will suffice, ensure you don’t shove your magnum dong too far in, otherwise … hot tip. Here endeth the lesson.

I’m guessing there’ll be a second hand sale?

Bit late, but…

None of this will matter to him. He’s Swiss- they’re a very functional and practical people ( dull as cloudy piss). Lovely scenery though, and the flag’s a big plus.

Style over substance- there’s a shock. Makita does it neater.

Eddie- “ Anthony, you’re a very good player- we both know that. What will make you a great player is if you can keep your emotions in check during the game, keep your discipline. We’ve been looking over your games from the last few years and Jason has some ideas as to how we can achieve that…” Mad Dog- “ Hi Anthony. Welcome to Newcastle United. Cut out the bullshit or I’ll burst your lass”.