Monkeys Fist

What would it take to tempt him back?

@Dr GloomYou missed out absent father, inciter of violence to journalists, and sexist.

What would be the correct channel to use to tell Johnson to go fuck himself with a ballistic missile? Let the healing begin, urges victorious PM https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2019-50786580

Knock one out then have a nap, mate. Works wonders.

That lasted as long as CT doing the sex.

Do Maccy D’s pay redundancy now?

One of mine too. Whereas Hendrix made his cover versions of other’s songs the definitive version, I’d say SRV smashes Hendrix out of the park with his version of Little Wing. ( Comes close with Voodoo Chile too).

https://youtu.be/i6G53BMgugo How it should be done.

Go To Fucking Bed.

Minister for Women’s Affairs please.

Especially when you consider the absolute fucking clownshoe they voted for instead.

The Sell Off Campaign begins… Hospital waiting times worsen again https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-50718869

Call her back, buy one then just crush it in front of her , whilst silently mouthing obscenities.

@Tom, hats off to you mate, you did everything in your power.

Im just picturing you in your Star Wars Christmas jumper, angrily staring down Fat Sharon as a large wet patch rapidly spreads across your trousers. “ Keep lookin’ fatteh, I shall shit mesen next.”

Strategy meeting of the Northern Army at the Powder Monkey next Monday night, I’ll keep a seat for you General Howman!

You’ll have stood out like a sore thumb in your unicorn onesie.

She is the least surprising virgin on the planet

I just feel desperately sorry for Fat Sharon from Marketing when she whips out her Boris coffee mug next to Wykiki today. He’ll make White Island Volcano look like a hiccup.

We need to coordinate- A push north from Red London, combined with the sweep south from the Greggs Pasty, gravy and chips fuelled Northern Army should see us victorious in a matter of weeks. Once the Southern Nancy Army has made sure their weaponry is vegan-friendly and carbon neutral, we’ll meet you near …Edgeware? We’ll put the mushroom penis of our despised Quisling cabby on a cocktail stick outside The Tower Of Lahndan.

We should march on Blyth first- we need to start the war with a morale boost and the fatties and smack heads will be a walkover. After that, we’ll hold two ports, and need to head west, take Hexham and maybe have a little bit war crime against the posh cunts, then push on to the West Coast. If we surround Workington and cut off the supply of frozen chips and kebab meat, we can starve the turncoats out within days. That’ll give us a solid East to West block, ports on both sides, and numbers. Then the push South in to Racist Yorkshire…

Insane. It’s pikey fucking central.

Hang in there mate.