Monkeys Fist

I was in town today, and saw this dwarf with a sign saying “ I hate Black people” at the Monument. I thought, “ That’s a little racist”.

My son bought me a whiteboard for Christmas. I must admit, I think it’s a remarkable gift.

It was an absolute Easter Egg fest, great fun to tick them off as it went on. The only bit that got me dusty was when…

If we all chipped in £12.47p we could probably buy a controlling stake.

Aye, but those new seats look lovely.

“This bolt is rusted shut, mate, not even mole grips will shift it “ ” Try this arse”.

A poll usually needs one answer to multiple options. What about those of us to whom the question “ Are you a tit man or an arse man?” , elicits the only true answer- “Yes”. That being said, here you go

Did Sinta turnip?

I blame the Welsh Jews, tbh. Allahu Akbar!

Petrol?

Christmas meme wars!

I say!

Proper stand up ale, that.

If he’s still got a pulse at 12:01 on 1st Jan he’s in.

Tits, cynicism and a Meenzer musical special- this is a proper Toontastic Christmas already.

I wish I was that organised

Did you google “Christmas tits” too?

Since @catmag has abandoned us to our grumpiness, I thought I’d better do this. Merry Christmas lads and lurkers! Here’s some Christmas titties

I’m in my kitchen, wine is opened, prepping veg and what have you for lunch tomorrow. Thanks to @Howmanheyman, I’ve got Rubber Bum Pump on

A mate of mine moved to North Korea and I managed to get a letter through to him a while back, asking how it was going. He can’t complain.

I’ve got in to the habit of necking a bottle of brake fluid every night. Don’t worry though, I can stop whenever I want.

Me and the laddie were watching Brian Cox earlier, and he asked if I could explain a Solar Eclipse to him. I said… ”No son”.