Monkeys Fist

Fistette gets back around 4pm today on the Lurgy Bus. I asked her what she wanted for tea and she was straight back with ” Chinese” Definitely mine.

Does that mean I’ve got natural immunity?

His face It’s like the split second between confusion and realisation after someone gives you a poop-tache.

4-0. Beige cunts.

She can have an ice cream, a small one as it’ll be a weekday.

I blame the Jews.

Someone at Mrs.F’s work emailed their top boss today, saying that because our daughter is coming back from Italy, the Mrs. and her work mates should be “quarantined”. The Nipper isn’t even due back until tomorrow afternoon.

They left on Saturday morning. The official advise then was to travel, as the Aosta Valley was clear. (If they’d cancelled then, no refunds would have been forthcoming.) As it was, they got there Sunday morning, got fitted for skis, boots etc, and were then told at 8pm Sunday evening, that the Aosta Govt. would be closing the resort the following day (today). They set off home at 4:30pm today. The only slight positive is that we should be getting a full refund as it was the Aosta regional government that closed the resort, but that’s not going be high on the list of priorities for a 12yr old lass She’s just gutted that they were literally at the bottom of the hill and couldn’t get on it.

Terrible that. Spock always saluted with his right hand.

Remind me where your last holiday was?

“Whoring”? I never paid any of them.

My mood has definitely gone downhill.

My daughter left on Saturday for Courmayeur in the Valle D’Aosta, Italy on a school ski trip. They got there this morning, checked in, got their skis and kit issued and had an early night as they were all knacked. Just had a call telling me they’re coming home tomorrow as the mountain has been closed. Fucking hell.

So, what you’re saying is you’re full of shit?

So, what you’re saying is you’re full of shit?

Bacon saved after pedometer-eating pig's poo starts farm fire https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-51790435

Has this gone viral yet?

The Mrs. threatened to leave me because of my obsession with flamingoes. I really had to put my foot down.

Double whammy!

Two Irish couples decide to liven up their sex lives and swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of non-stop, viagra-fuelled pounding, Mick takes a breather and says ” I wonder how the girls are getting on?”

Gillingham equalise in 96th minute against the sister fuckers

So, I went in to the chemist and asked the lass ” What kills coronavirus on kitchen surfaces and that” ”Ammonia cleaner” she said. I said “ Sorry love, I thought you worked here”.