Monkeys Fist

I look forward to my means-tested £15 per fortnight, paid after a three month wait due to the corona virus outbreak.

Does he think the virus can count?

Since I’m now mildly shiting it, I had a look at NHS 111 site. “The NHS will contact you from Monday 23 March 2020 if you are at particularly high risk of getting seriously ill with coronavirus. You'll be given specific advice about what to do.“ So, just the full week of not knowing wtf is going on then.

Like I said earlier, they’re issuing edicts with hugely vague conditions, making it very easy for Joe Public to be screwed over. Colour me surprised.

Interested? Here’s a sneak preview of my honking passage of freaky fun.

If you’d all sign up to my private snapchat, Fist Fist’s Fistula, I’ll be offering the following from next week.… Man Boob Mondays - £20 for 10 minutes of private mammary manipulation. Wank Off Wednesday -£50 a pop, very limited availability, get in quick… I mean really quick. Fat Cunt Friday - £10 free for all, last man standing gets the biscuit. Cheers lads, in these trying times I’m sure we’ll all come together in the spirit of …blah blah.

So, fuck all then.

Have they said owt about help for self-employed if we have to hibernate for 12 weeks?

Fuck. #metoo.

“Hon hee hon hee hon” vs ” Ahh, ummm, ahhh, urrr, ahh”

Aye, Yul Brynner is fucking mint in it.

Newcastle United fans' uneaten pies donated to foodbank https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-51910057

Ffs!

Hmm, that’s got my nipsy twitching too. I’m on the flu jab list because of the ticker playing the cunt a few years ago. Have I got to hibernate? edit; just saw your response above- that makes sense. Cheers

Btw, where’s @Rayvin? Has he gone skiing or is he dead?

He’s giving people too much wriggle room- self isolate for 14 days, but you can go out for exercise. People should, if possible, avoid leaving the house "even to buy food or essentials". We know from the last election that the public are selfish cunts- these same cunts will take this “wriggle room” and think “oh, I’m ok, I can just nip to the shops/pub/whatever”, making the whole thing fucking pointless Meanwhile, old people, our parents, will possibly die from it. He needs to grow a fucking backbone, and quick.

It’d be interesting to know how many Tory MPs have “interests” in major insurance firms

I bet that was a nice change for him.

Aussie foreplay?

I’ll be sueing for copyright inmingement in due course.

If I had to go through him to get to the other three, I’d take that.

Does “any combination” include “all”?