Monkeys Fist

“ Just the one”

Mrs. F. has just made G&T’s… that’ll be me transforming into Uncle Monty in about 20 minutes

Cask Ex was/is one the classics. Fucking loopy juice, but lovely

I’ve still got a can of Export from Christmas Day, ( it’s Pa Fist’s poison), and, barring desperation, it’ll still be there for him this Christmas.

Maybe his Mrs. likes a bit of strange.

Aye, it’s usually the shittiest can you have, because otherwise you’d have necked it the night before. ( I’m looking at you, three year old can of McEwans Export)

I’m making piri piri chicken and beardy hipster style grain shite for lunch and listening to Zero 7. ( and also getting mildly pissed whilst I’m at it )

That’s a perfect description.

Fair play to you mate, but they’ve just spent 17 weeks ignoring a £300 million bid for one of their member clubs, why would they take a different approach to an online petition? I absolutely share your frustration, but there is quite literally fuck-all we can do about it.

Notice how he doesn’t explicitly blame Stavely, because he knows he’d get shot to bits. Fucking cowardly tbh.

Especially when you’re getting the heavy evils from the Mrs. for spewing on the carpet. Happy Sunday, fancy a runny egg washed down with red wine?

Apocalypse Now is great- reminds me of that 1980s show, Airwolf, because they have helicopters and people wear uniforms.

Aye, shit news TDan. Best of luck finding somewhere new.

He’s rightly calling you out for being (yet another) useless Mackem troll Jonny. Not the first, nor the last, but as fucking thick as the rest. Looking forward to your next disaster?

Mick Badger “ You had the scran at that place near Rydal?” Fred Badger “ Aye mate- usual over-priced ‘artisan’ shite… couple of tarted-up carrots and they want you to put on a show for their punters. Fuck that noise” Mick Badger “ Thank fuck, I thought I was being a bit, well, grumpy. Got any plans for winter?” Fred Badger “ Nah, gonna eat like a taxi driver all autumn then kip until April- same old same old mate.” Mick Badger “ Still a Toon fan?” Fred Badger … *points at face

Let’s not get carried away here lads. He only gets half of the deposit, so it’s not £17 million, it’s only £8.5 million, for nowt. Chickenfeed, barely worth getting out of his scratcher.

What did you expect? This isn’t a dig at you Troops, but do you really expect them to come out and apologise?

Tynemouth-by-the Sea , thank you. It’s not for plebians.

@MeenzerIf you arranged an unofficial park run, through the exact same channels that park run previously operated, within all the ever-changing guidelines, could they stop you? I’m genuinely curious- what’s to stop it happening if, say, you staggered starts so that folk set off at a distance that they’d never catch the person ahead, nor be caught by the person behind? And if you did catch up with someone, just pass them ? I share your befuddlement tbh- if we can go in a supermarket with manky bastards, why can’t people run around a park?

I know you can fight, but it’s our wits that make us men.

I’ve been on the phone to Nicola S and she said, ” See thae wee cunt fae Whitley Bay, he can get tae fuck wae his greeting aboot aye thae cunts nae like him” I have no idea what she said, I’ve pm’d KCG but all he said was “ They may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!”

Aye, Mind, if you carry on using the term “staycation” you’re on my list of “will be eaten to death by seagulls”. We all have to pull together here, but stop it

We went to Seahouses at midday, fucking rammed. We fucked off towards Bamburgh, went to the beach south of the village. I’ve never seen so many people on Bamburgh beach tbh, but everyone was keeping their distance. However, the combination of the powder-fine sand and the fuck-you wind meant we were getting gently shotblasted the entire time. As I said to Mrs. Fist, every cunt and their brother who’d normally be English breakfasting in Malaga is now stinking up the places we superior fuckers have known and loved here in Perfidious Albion

The Knight Ryder has been spotted at the Mauritania tonight, bladdered, arguing with the bouncers that he can’t wear a mask because his loyal puntaz won’t realise they’re in the presence of an award winning journo. I expect a “5 reasons the takeover failed” piece to be phoned in tomorrow.