Monkeys Fist

Did you stand in front of a mirror and say “ Fish” three times?

I think one of your mates has hacked your account.

Imminenenenentenetently!

“ …Ordered not to have any social contact with anyone outside their household in any setting,” But get to fucking work where you’ll be in contact with potentially hundreds, because we’ve had enough of being socialists.

Do they test their new stuff on you?

FYP.

If indyref2 happens, and you’re still living up there, don’t accept any invites from anyone for trips to Glencoe for a while.

Woah- hold yer feckin horses there, Hamish. Are you a secret Porridge?

It was a Ukipper’s dream - close the borders, impose an authoritarian state, show the world how it’s done. It would meant someone taking responsibility for it though. Fucking shambles

We could make it a whole lot easier by cancelling the whole Brexit fiasco.

We’re an island. Of all the countries in Europe, we should have been the one to be able to keep the virus out/eradicate it quickly from our population, by imposing strict measures. If we weren’t run by a balding weasel from Durham, we could have.

I know- ‘the fuck did he do, guys?

Arrogant wanker. And Santana… And Ronni James Dio... and Hendrix… Alan Parsons can fuck off too

Can’t scratch your own balls though- tiny arms.

It’s not bad for running around in a T-Rex suit.

Dumb gifs?

It’s entirely believable that Johnson has Ferengi knees.

I understand his band weren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it seems churlish not to recognise his contributions to world peace.

Before his political career.

Run!

You will not pass!

Here you go @Tom, one to warm up the digits this morning

Tbf, half the band was called Van Halen, as his brother Alex was the drummer.