Monkeys Fist

Ice cubes. Your lass Now.

Aye, that was a terrible time in our history. I’d hate to see a return to it…

Come on lads, positive play- beat these fucking yokels!

Ahh, ffs.

Can we ask the lads who are there tonight to keep an eye out for Adam Pearson if we win this- the poor lad will be red raw in the ground and probably dehydrated. If you see him flagging, just rub Eddie’s programme notes on his fevered brow and he’ll be golden. Cheers

Oooh, fucking hell Hayden!

Without wanting to jinx it, if we break our duck playing with 10 men for 80+ minutes, it might just do us the world of good from a confidence point of view. I’ve fucked it now, haven’t I?

Do you mean BUJ7GOODANDPROPER?

At this point, Bruce would be replacing midfielders with fucked defenders. Attack! Attack! Attack!

No one cares about your predilections.

Get the fuck in, just

If that’s not a pen for handball then Quiff is high t.

When his lass fucked him off for the bigger, higher t, cock monster of an ex, he lost more than a cumbucket- he lost his mojo. Sad.

Paper? We’re not savages man. Wet wipes, in the freezer for 15 minutes. You’re welcome.

Just a reminder to all the lads who are there tonight- £2.85 for a pint of Doombar in the Percy. At that price you can probably get 8-10 in before full time if you fuck off now

How’s the arsehole holding up? Get your lass to give you a hoop massage with an ice cube- won’t help much but it’s a tale for the grandkids.

No need to kick Quiff when he’s down, man.

Most of them will miss.

His ex has put another vid of her getting split in two by her ex on her OnlyFans. Poor Quiff doesn’t know whether to stick or twist. Low t.

Missed the first 15 minutes lads, are we winning yet?

Have your Mam and Dad had their jabs? Do they keep the basement door locked or what?

This sounds like essembee describing a meeting between our Antipodean chum and a certain hairy Admin.

8hrs isn’t it? Is it all in the studio?

That steward is definitely listening to “I’m Too Sexy” on his headphones.