Monkeys Fist

This is well placed for south Northumberland, and within easy reach of the northern parts and inland. https://www.cottages.com/cottages/whittle-dene-reservoir-house-uk32435

Ah fuck. Love early ZZ Top.

I had no idea until earlier tonight that Craig David ( yes, that one! ), was an accomplished archery coach and is in Tokyo with the GB team. He’s apparently quite the motivator, but they’re mainly using him as a bow selector.

Things a bit slow on the so-called accountancy graft at the minute?

Old gadgie sitting in his garden sees a kid walking past with some chicken wire… ” Where you going with that chicken wire, son?” ” I’m off to catch some chickens”, says the kid Old gadgie shakes his head and mutters, “ You won’t catch chickens with chickenwire!” Half an hour later the kid walks past with three chickens tied up with the wire. “ Well bugger me” says the old fella. Next day the same kid walked past with some duct tape. “ Where are you going without duct tape son?” “ i’m going to go and catch some ducks at the pond” Old fella shakes his head and mutters, ” You won’t catch ducks with duct tape!” Half an hour later the kid walks past with four ducks all taped up. “Well shit the bed!” says the old lad. Next day the kid walks past with some pussy willow branches. Old lad shouts, “ Oh hang on their son I’ll get me walking stick!” I thangew.

It’s gash.

I’m in the middle of watching Hostiles, a 2017 western with Christian Bale and Wes Studi. Somehow it completely passed me by, but so far it’s not bad at all- Injun hatin’ Bale has to transport Chief Studi to his homeland to die by order of the President. They pick up a woman ( Rosalind Pike) who’s family have just been massacred by another tribe of Injuns- as you can imagine, hilarity ensues. Peter Mullan is in it, so it can’t be that bad

Two lads called Robert from Guidepost have a hilarious misunderstanding.

Spoilsport!

At least he’ll be used to taking nappies off.

Good job his Hiilsong God was looking after him though, eh? 😑

FYP

Didn’t have any, used lard instead.

Yes mate. I’m working for Sainsburys delivering online shopping , less then half the staff are in, the stock is very depleted as the truckers are in the same boat. No one is going hungry just yet but Timmy and Philippa are going to have to get used to no Cold-pressed XXV olive oil on their mung bean salad for breakfast

Oof!

You’re just going to leave us hanging, then? Was it galloping crotch rot?

Best viewed flat out in the garden, ABBA blasting, spackered on Lidl wiessbier?

For clarity. ( that means “ to avoid any confusion” Tubs).

Renton has been inspired by Jayna and will be taking up the wrong ‘un.

Speaking of Baboon’s Arseholes, I’ve booked a trip to Go Ape with the Fistlets and Mrs. this weekend, because I really miss having my weighty bollocks squashed by an ill-fitting harness. Any recommendations (from people who know how to buy chilli flakes) for lunchtime pubs within 1/2 hour of Matfen are welcome.

When your entire is based on poking round other people’s shit, it’s never going to end well. I fucking despise these kinds of pseudo-science charlatans, mind- they couldn’t give a fuck how many people they harm or give false hope to, so long as they get their money out of them.

Here we go, Round 2, this time we’re all going to die of monkey pox. Monkeypox: More than 200 contacts tracked in US for rare disease https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-57919573

You don’t happen to be in a camping pod just north of York, do you @Alex? Don’t want to piss on your chips or anything (… take booze, plenty of it).

That’s as appalling as it is insane.