Monkeys Fist

Have you read James Joyce’s filthy love letters to his Mrs? https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/74934/13-nsfw-lines-james-joyces-incredibly-dirty-love-letters The bloke would’ve loved glass coffee tables.

Due to starting work at the ungodly hour of 6a.m. this morning, my nipsy decided to have a lie-in and wasn’t having it when I did my morning ablutions. As expected, at around 9:30 Captain Cack started knocking on the back door, and by 10:00 he was kicking it down. Luckily I’m on a rural route today, and was heading towards Alston. Found a suitable spot to pull over, headed in to the woods with the Shit Kit, and did a Bear Grylls. (The Shit Kit is several opaque plastic bags, plenty of bog roll, and a pack of wet wipes.) Jobby done, it’s then a case of tieing the literal parcel of shite to the passenger wing mirror and carrying on until a bin can be found. In this case, it was Allendale. It requires a certain combination of nonchalance and arrogance to stroll across the market square with last nights dinner swinging in a bag by your side, but luckily I’m short of neither, so the offending Baby’s Arm was duly deposited and I carried on with my day. The point to this long-winded Faecal Farce is that, possibly due to my pipecutter detecting the gentle breeze of Nature’s breath whistling down the Dark Canyon, I also drew an ace today. Giddup! Edit; Standing wipe, obvs.

I hope he’s gone for “loss of earnings” from taking down his Chav Shop signs, as the only way that’ll be proven will have to examine the value of the advertising to his company, and the “cost” of said advertising. We all know the answers, just be nice to see it in legal papers.

“ Hi Mike, Can you meet us at the embassy in Turkey to discuss a settlement in this case of yours? We’ll pay for all flights and disposal…cough… return travel- yes return travel, ahem, definitely return travel…”

Wtf?

I imagine their line is that since the PL determined that there is separation between the PIF and the state, they don’t need to address it … or something. Alternatively, The Fragrant Ms. Staveley could release an official statement… ” Here man, fuck off!” That’d do it.

Hi Mehrdad Thanks for buying us. Out of interest, does Amanda like it up the wrong’un or nay?

Kinky?

Pretty clear I’d have thought?

That’s like saying to a starving man ” Hey, it’s ok, I’ve got food. You can have some” Then eating it all, shitting it out in to a bowl and saying “Tuck in”

Edwards will be choking on his wine and chicken- that’s 4/5ths odour transfer kitty!

Aside from what he brings to the side, his signing may help persuade a few more top quality players to join us this window, if they were wavering over the relegation issue?

I know it’s from 2019, but that lass Ayatollah recommended , Rosalie Cunningham, has been getting lots of plays from me.

“ We feel as new owners that a fresh start is needed- we’d like to thank Wayne and his team for their great efforts, but we feel a more experienced head coach is what we need at this point.”

“ Dad, are you suuure I’m a polar bear?”

The problem with that though, as we know all too well, is that Mike Ashley’s money doesn’t get spent.

The post was certainly textbook Gloom

Also, Shiraz. The answer for Ken is always Shiraz ( if you hit the emoticon button then scroll all the down, Ken, you’ll find the old TT ones there. )

1. Go outside. 2. If it’s a bit nippy, go back inside. 3. Switch whatever you want on. 4. Use the time saved to watch Adam Pearson’s latest video.

I don’t like his face.

Blatant

Can I carry your bag Sir? ” Naah, let ah waalk!”

( yes, I know it’s not Blair in the pic, but lick iz).