Monkeys Fist

When my nippers were little Mrs.F. had this app that played an annoying-as-almighty-fuck cartoon toothbrush singing some song about brushing their teeth for 2 minutes to get them to brush for that length of time. It near drove me insane every morning, until I realised Blitzkrieg Bop was 2 minutes long and they much preferred it. Punk toothbrushing rocks

FYP

Adds flavour to the salads.

Oof. Sorry to hear that mate.

Is this one dead?

Well, on that cheery note…

He’s clearly had some training, but he’ll need a bit of work yet. Lovely temperament so far.

Aye, he’s still getting used to electric lights and warmth, but he’s ours, nee takesy-backies.

Aye- his standard attire of donated BHS black jeans and Pumas is nothing like this coulrophobic’s nightmare.

Bulldogs are basically (semi) sentient scrotums with teeth and farts.

Oh yes. His mackem name is history- I’ll be honest, I’m amazed everyone accepted Dweezil without batting an eyelid.

Dweezil… best shot I could get. Fucker is 100mph

Aye, and death breath, psycho problems and fucked up joints. Which is a good part of why I didn’t want one.

Next Friday?

It’s 6 months old, Grandparents of a colleague had it but one of them broke a hip so they can’t look after it properly. She’s played all her guilt-cards in a Royal Flush, crafty shithouse

Bog Brush Terrier?

It’s costing her a PS5, amongst other unspeakables.

As if my day couldn’t get any worse, Mrs.F has “asked if it’s alright” that she’s bringing a puppy home- in previous discussions about us having a shit machine, the one and only breed I specifically said I didn’t want under any circumstances was a Cocker Spaniel. Guess what breed this little Mackem fucker is? #cans

Oh, did you post on NO?

Ffs. Both Miss Fistlet and Knacker Fist have had positive tests, so have to self isolate. Which likely means Mrs.F and I will catch the fucking thing. Arsebiscuits.

Top trolling

Unlike the other Hairy Danger’s “preemeeyum energy drink”, Carabao is readily available at Morrison’s and Asda, so I’m told- I don’t shop in such peasant outlets #heronfoods #paedodrink #lidlforlife

It’s currently the Carabao Cup, sponsored by “ Thailand’s second most popular energy drink” ( I shit thee not) Here’s the chairman.

Bestiality then?

Just couldn’t get him over the line. Announcement due next Friday.