Monkeys Fist

That’s Pro- level pettiness. Nice one

This fucking retard brings shame to the Canid family. If he went up against an amoeba in an IQ test he’d have his arse handed to him.

“ Sorry mate, that’s a £50 cleaning charge.…”

* available at no good retailers and high street outlets. Not available online.

Let’s hear it for (some) cabbies.

“How’s the digital bacon, did you say?”

He’s a plumber- known as an absolute. ’shroomhead.

Did she buy you the Ant Middleton tickets, by any chance?

“ So Lee, what inspired you to become a journalist?” ” Whey, y’knaa, when a was 19 a got me Nana to read iz summick, was by a daft lad in a fanzine… it was a road to Dasmacsca… Damascara… a right eye opener. So a learnt to read, then write, then won the Trinity Mirror Group Regional Sports Reporter of the Year 2014.”

It’s not, like, it’s fucking hilarious

What’s The Point ?

4 corners of the Earth, obviously.

Would.

Me three.

Getting the Louis-Dreyfuss Company to buy a box would do the trick

Mike Ashley- the shit that stinks up your bog long after you’ve flushed it.

Framed and displayed next to my kids shitty paintings.

Happened to me. I thought I’d died and gone to Dad Joke Heaven.

CT, are you related to this Adam kid? #stalkers #heronfoods #bucketoffrogs

Not just once, twice. The audacity.

Ray Kennedy was a regular at one of the restaurants I was chef at in the 1990s/2000s. Seemed like a very humble, likeable bloke, who enjoyed chatting with the staff after service. I know he’d had a tough time up to then, not least because of his Parkinson’s disease.

How do you ever find them?

Renton says your vagina is too big.