Monkeys Fist

Aren’t we a happy bunch?

I was the lowest I’ve ever been a few months back, and had a chat with my GP who put me on Happy Pills and I was offered counselling. I took the pills but didn’t bother with the tree-hugging and over the course of a week or two the difference was very noticeable. Give it a try, for a month or two, and if it’s not for you, no harm done, but if it works like it did for me, fuck me- what a difference you’ll see. I wasn’t having highs or lows, I was just flat- typically northern, I “felt nowt”, nothing, no joy, no sadness, no interest, nowt. Now, I’m like a teenage lass, bursting out into song at the sight of a kitten. But, aye, give it a try Renton man.

I honestly think with cunts like Sourness it’s down to bitter jealousy (of the money), and an inability to accept the game is different to their day- they think modern footballers are paid too much and are fucking pussies. They’re not wrong, but they’re so far removed, themselves, from ordinary people that they think they’ve missed out on the gravy train by “only” having £millions in the lower double-figures.

If he’s not going out, hitting the sauce, and sleeping late/rising late, sounds like he could be suffering from depression. Other than what Renton said above, there’s ultimately not much you can do unless he decides for himself he needs help. It’s a bit of a Catch 22- if he gets some help/meds, he’ll probably cut down the drinking, but he’ll not get that help if he’s drinking too much and leaving the MH untreated. Some people respond to the arm round the shoulder, some people need to be told to “sort your fucking life out”. You probably know which type he is better than us.

Just watched the first 30 seconds or so… Anyone who can get Newcastle fans thinking Pardew is a canny bloke needs to have a proper look at themselves. What a fucking wanker he is.

If it’s not some saucy strumpet getting hands-on it’s not real physio. Which is probably why my back sounds like a bag of dry sticks.

Eh? How’s he taking this long? Are your walls 6ft thick or something?

I’m assuming he’s gone by now. Did he make you a hot chocolate and tuck you in before he left?

Aye, looked like an empty office tbh. Or a front for sex trafficking. Second thoughts Troops, stick with Killy.

If the queue’s too long Troops, fuck it off and go to Mail My Meds in Longbenton, less than 5 minutes away. I was in and out within 10 minutes the other day, as a walk-in.

*bloke walks in and sees Gemmill with wires going down the back of his pants, mildly groaning…

Are you going for a pint or camping?

Btw, admins, can we change this lad’s name to MARCELINO, it’s doing me head in… ©️Ciaomanheyman

You want be careful typing long-ish posts like this, you might pull a tendon.

In that there London? If you wear anything more than a t-shirt we’ll all disown you. Pictorial proof required

He’d snap his wrists picking it up

Ffs! This text only showed on the “unread posts” list and I thought the owld silverback had pegged it. Which would’ve saddened me, tbh, as he’s about the only person involved with that lot who doesn’t get my hackles up.

Been getting amongst the fillies at the staff party, hasn’t he?

Dammit! How will the lawyers for the late Prince that left £5 million to you get the money to you now?

And none of us remembered- what a pack of bastards, eh?

Surely you having her knickers on like a mask will have kept you safe?

“ Delivery from Grandad Trooper, 1 Fillet Steak for Ms. Trooper, 3 super-duper burgers for the boys, 1 bucket of raw tripe for dickhead son. Sign here please…”

Unlikely, but not impossible. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.ft.com/content/2d8aee46-e42f-11e9-9743-db5a370481bc

“This is a local shop for local people- don’t touch the things!”

Love that goal. Loved Nobby. All the others are great, but Nobby never looked liked a footballer, he looked more like an archaeology lecturer or something The Martin’s goal is rightly getting praise for the power, but this one also has no right to be as powerful as it is.