Monkeys Fist

Aye, but then you can’t have your kayak and eat it.

You should give the upper Tees a crack CT- beautiful river and valley, easy access. High Force to Low Force. Get in just above High Force …

How many did you buy?

Nobody fell in? What did they give you??? “ Master Wave Dog, this pointy headed fucker wants to hire some SUP boards for the day…” ” Give him that old barge and a couple of shovels, he’ll never know the difference and think he’s Steven fucking Redgrave”. “ No worries”

After 45 minutes of falling in a pond, CT is now an Aquatic Zen Master

How many points did the star have?

I see Elton John spent £2million on a gym for his pet rabbits. It’s a little fit bunny.…

They wouldn’t know a good player if one walked up and shagged their kids… …wait.

Aye, but when he does it, it’s classy marra.

He can warm the bunk for his boss

Meanwhile … Cunts.

The extra digit makes all the difference

Gemmill be like…

We believe you.

“ That’s uz buoycoutting the Mirror woman, chuck ‘em out” “ Arr, narr man Wor Exile, it’s the smoothest one of the lot- Jordan and Little Jordan’s arseholes are in tatters as it is ‘cos we can only eat cheesy chips now. We’re nearly veygans!”

“ Toucher in aisle 36!”

That’s no way to talk about Denise Squelch.

Nothing like a good shaft grip whilst executing a clean box stroke… … Giddup!

Poor Neighbours- 2:10a.m. ” What’s that creaking love, sounds like it’s coming from outside?” ” I’ll have a look… it’s him… aye him… he’s on that fucking sofa… oh god, no…please stab my eyes out”

What’s your favourite stroke?

Pants off is your only remaining option. Try not to sit on your bollocks

I’m genuinely worried the poor fuckers might be on the brink of a famine here. Ewerk, any tips for our six-fingered chums?

Err… no KFC either for the Classy Boys…