Monkeys Fist

He’s always got his shares in KFC and Blossom Hill to fall back on.

And he’d have got away with it, if it wasn’t for the fucking kids…

Neyone.

Look after yourself Renton mate- whatever transpires over the next few days,( i.e. you having to self-isolate), you know you’ve done everything within your power to help your Dad, so try not to beat yourself up too much over things you can’t control.

Tried setting up a racing pigeon breeding business but I ran in to some problems- Me- “ All the pigeons you’ve sold me die after their first time breeding…” Pigeon Bloke- “ I’ve never heard of that before, normally breeding birds are good for 3-4 years” Me- “ Well, you’ve heard it now- some of them are dead before I even hit my vinegars!” Coo.

What organ stays warm in a woman’s body after her death? Mine. Giddup!

Profs Sir Chris Whitty and Sir Jonathan Van-Tam have both been knighted in the New Year Honours List. Also…

So, it being 2022 and that, I thought I’d have a reset and stop posting offensive shite and what have you.… I mean, say what you want about deaf people.… HAPPY NEW YEAR!

That’s a fantastic story tbh, but the real story here is how the fuck you found this thread from 2011, and also, how would @Dr Gloom like the forward line he Gloomed on right now?

I bet he’s got a proper sweat on following Gillian Maxwell’s conviction as a paedophile trafficker. … Yeah, sweat on…

I honestly don’t think Piers Morgan is on the Nonce list. He’s absolutely an unrepentant fame-whore, and a whopping great cunt alongside that, but I don’t think he’s ever been “important” enough to be granted access to the inner circle of utter cuntery. Man’s a fucking weasel, but a minor one.

Have you imbibed more than the usual Yorkshire allowance?

Tax

It’ll take him until July before he works out how to open it.

I was, genuinely, about to offer you a sofa for the night at my gaff, until I saw that you’re halfway down the country. At least you’ve got the mackem to keep you entertained- ask him his thoughts on Berb Murray and Peytar Reid… just to remind him of how things could’ve been. Happy New Year wherever you spend it mate.

I think it’s worthwhile pointing out the difference between your regular, sex-trafficking rapist, and the (slightly-but-not-much) more heinous paedophile.… In the first instance, the victims are above the age of consent, the fact they’ve not given consent is the main point, and the abusers are in it for the money, generally. Whereas paedophiles are just fucking immature arseholes. * thank you Mr. Boyle, I’ll take my leave having nicked your joke in the most appropriate/ inappropriate way.

I’d pay good money to be on a different continent whilst CT blew smoke up Denise Squelch’s prolapsed hoop.

I would pay good money to blow smoke up Alex Scott’s arse tbf. Giggedy Giggedy Goo.

More dense than a Neutron Star.

Correctly Titled YP

You shouldn’t drink and drive.

Remember when some daft twat organised a dance-off between the Geordie and Mackem dancing retards? Round II- Taxi Tony vs Christmas Tree, Boldon Dogs Car Park. THE SHITE-OFF!

These are Ringo’s original lyrics, fascinating watching him come up with them when he was off his gourd.