Monkeys Fist

Sorry to hear that Tom, my condolences to you and your family.

You should apologise to octopodes for this waste of ink, even though no ink was involved. Then jump off a cliff.

It’s an Atari crocodile, walking to the left, chilled as feck.

The Coal Yard is just a fucked fridge and two manky settees away from Sandeford, but aye, Byker it is.

I’ll come down to Whitley and show him my feet- he’ll shit himself.

The Cumberland is a fantastic pub, one of my favourites along with The Free Trade. It’s the old “home” pub of Northern Alchemy beers, which used to be made in the shipping container alongside, but they’ve moved just up the Ouseburn a bit to The Old Coal Yard, which is another great place for a pint or three. 👍

You’ve also got two of the best breweries in Newcastle on your doorstep- Almasty and Anarchy are next door to each other behind Walkergate Metro.

Where does a man who is Prime Minister, and father to two children under the age of three, and married to an absolute cunt, find the time to write a book? He’s either supremely talented ( ) or he’s not doing one, or all of the above.

“A plethora of shenanigans”

By the way, David Davis positioning himself as some kind of morally principled angel- He can take his historical quotes and shove them up his arse.

90% of the kids would be shouting “ Hello Daddy!”

So long ago essembee keeps forgetting he wasn’t there.

Still better than what we’ve got.

No one can argue against that tbf, … because no one watched it.

He asked his Mam “Please?” but she said “ No!… …Isn’t that Nigel Farage a nice bloke though?”

It’s got Mindy Project written all over it tbf.

Take a bow

Not for long- once she finds out about whichever vacuous tart he’s been poking whilst she’s been shitting out his progeny, he’ll have two more loads of child support payments to shell out, on top of the 7 or 8 he’s already paying out. Then he’ll die of a heart attack in about 5 years. I had a mate like him- met and married some lass ( they were all certifiabley insane), had 2-3 kids, met a newer version, dumped the old one and repeated the process. He’s on his 4th currently, and it’s moving in to the utterly predictable “rocky” stage after the second kid. He’s probably got one more round of “newer model” before they’ll become too old to be impregnated, which would put him on 6-7 kids and 5 wives. If he was some unemployed charva he’d be vilified, but because he’s middle-class he gets a pass ( not from me, note the “had a mate”)

If I was a betting man, I’d like to see the odds on his venal, gold-digging twat of a wife still being with him a year after he’s punted.

Ah, but he’s also a midget, so he ticks the spaz box too. Which, in fairness, also qualifies for your point.

Just to assist our resident online research specialist, here’s the current Cabinet incuntbents. https://members.parliament.uk/Government/Cabinet If he’s heard of more than half of them, I’ll be mildly surprised.

Which ones are the misfits, and why would any of them be worse than the liars, lickspittles and fucking Dorries that Johnson has surrounded himself with? Here’s a list to make it easier to do your research. https://labour.org.uk/people/shadow-cabinet/

Is there a sublime message in this gif of him and the end of a bell?

Try this