Monkeys Fist

3 hours ago.

Oh aye, I’m sure they will.

Bloke on the telly is very puzzled by it.…

Is his left leg significantly longer than his right?

Bloody Ableism!

New Home Secretary’s first statement.…

https://www.antiques-atlas.com/antique/antique_hatcoat_pegs/as186a589 Good description “ a few long- vacated worm holes”.

Truss - “ Hello, Theresa, I’ve sacked Cruella, can we have a quick chat?” Coffey -“ …… “ Truss - “ Hello? Are you there?” Coffey -“ … *burps” Truss- “ Are… are you eating again Theresa?” Coffey- “ *gulps* No… maybe… it was just a snack, roast chicken- just the one” Truss- “ Never mind, so, I’m being pressured in to offering Schapps the Home Offi-“ Coffey -“ PRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPSSSSSSSHHHHH” Truss- “ DID YOU JUST FART AT ME COFFEY???” Coffey - “ No! Nooooo! Well, it started as a fart, but I followed through, so technically, no I didn’t” Truss -“ Ffs Theresa ! Look, I’m not giving it to Schapps…” Coffey -“ Why the (*belches), sorry, why the fuck not? Truss-“ Because he looks like Smeegol halfway to becoming Gollum, makes me retch looking at him. You’ve already got two jobs, do want it?” Coffey- “ Fuck that, you’ll be gone by next week…” Truss- “ I’ll make it worthwhile…” Coffey- “ ?????” Truss- “ I’ll pay for daily KFC for Second Breakfast and you can have Fridays off to recover from the expenses paid Thursday Curry Club Card in Spoons” Coffey - “ Announce it! “

Never mind Suella, chin up… … oh.

I think he’s saying “snowplough”?

No.

Hours from now, CT will be unable to raise a smile, wrapped up and immobile on the outdoor sofa/rats nest while the family keep up a constant supply of Bhuna and Lemsip.

Remember this cunt? Let’s see… 2010-2016. Cameron- Fucked a pig, then the country 2016-2019. May - Fucked the country a bit more. 2019- 2022 Johnson- Criminal, Fucked the country back to the Middle Ages. ( Also fucked a pig) 2022- 2022. Truss. - Country already fucked, so fucked her Chancellor right up the hoop. Killed the Queen. Starmer may a bit dull, but I’d quite like a dull, competent PM for a change, and I don’t think he has any history with farm animals which is a bonus.

Mrs. F. bought some Rainbow lipstick which came in a crystal glass holder. She was all set to give me a nosh, but changed her mind after reading Julie Andrews’ autobiography, which said it’d make my junk taste like a baboon’s armpit, or words to that effect… “Superfragilecolouredlipstickmakesthedicksatrocious” , apparently

Goonied YP

And easier to lay, so the rumours would have it.

I think I said when he did it, this kid’s dad is definitely Statto

She’s like someone turned Patel inside-out.

Technically aye, but it would be absolutely unprecedented and would probably see the end of the monarchy, so, crack on Chaz!

Ah, I thought you meant a mobile version of the ps5, on a tablet