Monkeys Fist

I’ve got a rural run today, so I put So Tough by St. Etienne on. When it was done I’ve got the “infinite play” button selected so it plays “similar” tracks and artists. Brought up a track by Everything But the Girl from Idlewild, one of their albums before they became all cool and remixey and that. It reminded me of two things; 1- Before their reinvention as hep cats, they were absolute cheesemongers. 2- They were, and this album in particular, the favourite band of a lass I went out with when I was 20-21. She was very pretty, an amazing singer, had terrible taste in music but was off-the-charts filth. Could suck a golf ball through a syringe, and swallow it. Indoors, outdoors, front doors, back doors, utter tramp. I even drew the line once when she wanted to try a reciprocal “Chuck Berry” Possibly my most bizarre “intimate experience” was getting a strangle-wank whilst this played in the background at her gaff … Anyway, only lasted 6months, because, as is often the case with the proper filthy ones, she was also batshit insane. I fucked off to France and she went on a World Tour … to Amsterdam.

Melanie Hill, ex-wife of lifelong Blades fan Sean Bean? That’s Sean added to the ranks of imaginary MLF’s then.

I also forgot to call his grandfathers convicts. My apologies mate, I’ll do better next time

Do you have a cheeky cerry at the Rupali, though?

“ Sheila! All the bloody eggs have smashed on the roof of the fridge again” ” Well, we are upside down, Possum” ” Crikey…”

Its Bogan for chicken I think. Strewth!

Dorty Bastard Scumbag? Passed with distinction thanks.

Absolutely Baltic there mind. 🥶

He still won’t bang you Doreen.

Half of that is Ferguson’s bar bill that they’re still paying off.

His face

Speaking of ancient communication systems, I had to send a new driving license photo to the DVLA today. As it’s 2023 and not 1823, you’d think I could send it, and pay, remotely via t’interweb? No, no, no Mr. Fist- why make it easy? Pay only with a cheque (remember them?) or postal order, and send and actual photograph, via actual mail. I’m surprised they didn’t want it sent by carrier pigeon.

I’m surprised anyone understands him- it’s so old he’s speaking in hieroglyphs

Up CT’s freshly evacuated hoop?

Me too. Knew how to knock out a decent tune

Depends- are the crisps lion shaped or not?

“ Eeya, our Kevina, ‘ave ya tried theyse frozen grapes in ya 8 Ace? “

GERRIZ IN THE FUCKEN BEWK!

The guarantee of Überfewm would give an already spicy plan some extra oomph. Where do I sign?

Infinity pools of piss. You’d get a RIBA award for that alone.

What about this then?

I’d also suggest slightly rotating the pitch, it’s currently about 150° from north to south. Putting it at 120° would create more room to build at either end, and has nothing at all to do with the direction of Mecca from Newcastle. Nothing at all