Monkeys Fist

HMHM is a real-life Oompah Loompah too, so he knows his shit.

What would he do if you take his life’s purpose away, though?

FYP

One for J69- Graham Fentimans.

Matt Ritchie Energy

Mrs. Fist kept me awake last night as she was constantly muttering shit like “ I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein, I wrote the Hobbit…” She was Tolkien in her sleep again.

Is that Doreen Norris pulling a sneaky photobomb to the left of shit David Icke?

Aye, his mate Begbie.

Paying fans to attend? Do Qataris also like blue pop?

Tbf, posh blart is usually outrageously filthy. So I’m told

Aye, but

Mrs Fist has started bathing in milk- I said “ I hope it’s pasteurised “ She said, ” Nah, its just up to my growler.” Giddup!

That’s jousting talk where I’m from, varlet.

A French cheese factory has exploded this afternoon. Reports say no fatalities, but there’s de Brie everywhere.

Didn’t the harmless little scallywag from Steps have the same name as him, and was also Welsh. Poor fucker got some grief for a while

Terrigle.

(This is shaping up to be another hit for The Police )

Told the Mrs. I’d pay for her breast implants but only if they were made of solid oak. She said- “ Oooh, no, that’d be uncomfortable and weird” I said, “ Aye, wouldn’t it. “

The annual £115,000 isn’t going to spaff itself up the wall, is it?

I think you’d be better using a golf bat.

Sorted.