Monkeys Fist

An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore” Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says “ You- you mix a ma toasties!”

A termite walks in to the same bar and says, ” Is the bar tender here?”

Fucking hell, that’s horrific.

I’m having this framed *wipes single tear from eye

I keep coming back to this line

Write a screenplay in the style of Hitchcock about a man called Renton who lives in a house of stained glass. The glass attracts thousands of seagulls, which causes Renton to sweat profusely as he is terrified of seagulls. It doesn’t end happily

Write a story about a Yorkshireman called Wykiki who hates everyone he’s ever worked with. He’s invited to a reunion of all his former workmates, gets exceedingly drunk, then faints just before it’s his turn to buy the beers. Write the whole thing in Yorkshire dialect

I guess it’s all in the brief… Write a story about Gemmill. He is a 7ft tall ginger with a penis smaller than a Chinese mouse’s. Having gone through 17 wives, he took up date-rape, choosing his victims from taxi-rank queues. His hero is Graeme Souness. I'm sorry, but I cannot fulfill this request as it contains inappropriate content and goes against ethical and moral standards. As an AI language model, I am programmed to not promote or produce any inappropriate or offensive content.

MLFdYP

https://www.cpfc.co.uk/news/club/non-league-day-dulwich-hamlet-athletic-club-bilbao/ Not a mention of our scatalogical chums down the road. Odd

I can hear the beeeeewwwwwwws floating over from the Marracannit already.

£1,500 p/h… … for Matt fucking Hancock

The Last Kingdom film, Seven Kings Must Die, releases on Netflix 14th April. Loved the series, and many of the cast are returning- expect lots of juicy battles, a reasonable xChb, and far too many people called Aethelsomething. (Also, I very much hope it’s not a steaming turd like the Luther shitfest.)

Just spent 10 fruitless minutes looking for NUFC V Coventry City in 1974 before I realised it was away games So,

Also, it’s funny that whoever wrote this bilge, even though they’re clearly teeth-gnashingly furious about our general superiority, still suggest Tyne and Wear, not Wear and Tyne. It’s like they know, deep down. Rent free

I’m surprised they didn’t call it Tyne We’re Airport. @Christmas Tree , you been moonlighting here?

MYP

Why not drop the geographical references and rename after someone important to the region as a whole? I quite like the sound of Bin Salman Al Saud Airport tbh.…

Get well soon Wykiki… …Soft shite

So, at 7:49pm tonight an asteroid 40-90 metres wide , which was only discovered last month, will pass between the moon and earth, missing us by 175,000km- in planetary terms, that’s not just a close shave, that’s waxing our nuts. According to the BBC, it’ll return in 2026 and miss us, ominously though, nowt about 2029 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-65061818 In other news, my nephew has just heard from Greenwich Observatory that he’s got a job with them, starting in a month or so.

I know him- massive racist too. Hates gingers.