Monkeys Fist

I’ve spent the afternoon buying a tree, decorating the fucker, and putting all the other decorations up, with a soundtrack of shite Christmas songs and a mental dog doing his box in at the lights and sparkly shite. I’m now having a cheeky beer at the restaurant at the top of my street whilst I wait for the pizzas we’ve ordered for the game. We had better beat these cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

There’s never been a space stowaway… … yet.

Have you invited Gemmill’s mam? 3-2 to England btw. Wilson getting the winner on 88mins.

YFP

Are they mental? Do they really think a Middle Eastern regime would just up and kill a journalist that was critical of them?… … outrageous.

Short-term memory loss is a terrible thing.

Hmmm. Pantry sounds a bit confusing in this case, how about we call them… ooh… shops?

The Fists are going to the Panto* tonight. OH YES WE ARE! *this won’t feel the same because of Saudi Arabia, obvs.

Which one is she?

What’s the difference between a food bank and food pantry other than the absolute Tory cuntishness of it ? Have I just answered my own question?

Whit means a very small part, so your fucking Whit is the mushroom.

Pluck my Roches Moutonée

We all know you’ve got a micro-penis.

Jet Black, Stranglers’ drummer. 84 Jet Black: 'Inspirational' drummer for the Stranglers dies aged 84 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-63904248 One of the Stranglers was 84 ffs…

Lest we forget … “ I’ll have a house special fried rice, prawn crackers, and an underage hummer please”

Police cars aren’t stopping me

Hell of a manoeuvre that- no trailer strikes and didn’t creep in to the far lane. 10/10 😂

“ Anyone know any good parking spots in Riyadh ? “

“Just shut up and get in the taxi”

FYP

Aye, especially when he was the health secretary responsible for the unnecessary deaths of tens of thousands of people.

It’s quite funny though, that he’s chosen to drop his career based on a fundamental misreading of why he stayed on that show so long- it wasn’t because people liked him, it was that people wanted to see him suffer as much as possible, without actually winning it.

Maybe, on ITV4+

On day 3 of my HGV training- it’s insane how different the approach to driving one of these things is. 54ft long, 8ft wide and 44tons. Going really well so far, got my couple/uncouple test later this week then my body disposal practical once we’ve kidnapped a hooker. Happy Days 👍

You didn’t like the chess one, boys? What did the cannibal do after eating his vegetables? Sold their wheelchairs on ebay. I’ll see myself out.