Monkeys Fist

Of course, nowt’s straightforward- been in this house since 2018, new boiler last January with a 5 year warranty. The warranty is registered under our previous address for some reason, and changing it, which you’d think would be easy, is not.… … because of “the system”. Which means that the leak detection team will be given the old address to go to. Fuck me with a rusty stick.

Aye, that’ll be it. I’ll change it back and the leak should be fixed.

Looking at next Thursday for a team to come out and pinpoint it.

Aye. Lad is looking at getting a camera team in now before tearing up the kitchen floor. What a fuck on.

He’s a fan of peas???

Currently have British Gas ripping up floorboards trying to find a leak. Our boiler is emptying itself within 20 minutes of filling. We’ve exhausted all options bar tearing up the kitchen floor at this point. Fuckitty fuck arse shit piss cunt. And bollocks.

Have you ever played football??????

Did you get a “ Larn yersel Phurturshop” course for Christmas? * If so, have you tried it yet?

No way these fucking Morlocks can afford real crisps. “Organic” psoriasis scabs, no need to fry, they’re already crispy, and naturally cheeysey, marra!

We used to have a bloke, The Venetian, who sold sugar cones, and Regal Kings for £1 a pack in the early 80s. * The sugar cones were more expensive iirc * he was obviously selling duty frees on the side , as well as shagging all the local tarts, probably. What a life!

“ Two 99s and three singles please, aye … of course I’m 16 *coughs in soprano “

Although we know it didn’t happen, it does reveal so many aspects of mackemness that go a long way to understanding why they’re such fucking weirdos. Things that they just accepted as normal in the telling this tall tale… Who takes a packed lunch to the pub? Why would the Ukrainian war stop you making said packed lunch? Why couldn’t he make his own fucking bait? The whole episode was just magnificent

Speaking of Twiglets, they’ve been my top-dog, most favourite, bestest snack since I was a nipper. Ever since my second dose of Covid, where my sense of taste fucked off for a bit, they’ve tasted … wrong. I’m fucking devastated tbh.

Let’s be honest here, if that’s their rationale they could save themselves a whole world of ball ache by just making the whole thing private.

That’s fucking sacrilege Sounds like their perfect owner.…

He’s only worth £12.5 billion- fucking povs

That could be the first line of their next Top 500 hit.

xB 10.0 did ye say?

It was in Westerhope, the kid would probably skin it

This is definitely Tindall

Can we move this to the Secret forum when it’s done, just to save a few mackem’s blood pressure?

Isak!!!!