Monkeys Fist

Only when there’s a General Erection.

Was it just the Black Crowes , or did you miss Jimmy “totally not a wron’un” Page too?

“ Kerm on yeee Reds!”

Get an excited message from Fist Jnr yesterday telling me that he’s nailed the following song after a week’s practice There’s and album of the whole concert, Live at The Greek, which is very good btw- it’s like the best Zeppelin tribute band ever

After a bastard of a shift yesterday ( 17hrs, 10 of which were driving- very illegal ), I’m getting a brew at Lancaster services, ready to get home, shower, and then stroll down to the Polling station to hammer my personal nail in the coffin of the most corrupt, self-serving, lying, incompetent wankers on the face of the planet. Can’t wait…

Commiserations… must be tough seeing the series of best PM’s of your lifetime bending over and spreading their cheeks in readiness for a throbbing Red Wedge strap-on

Have you gone on holiday by mistake?

Is that where you sell your hobbies?

I was banging a climber lass from Seaham for a while. Bit of a BOBFOC if truth be told, but she was filthy, so standards were out the window.

Alreet Speedbump? Does this place mean anything to you? Im parked opposite it, waiting for some fucking yokel to work out how to open their barrier. 20 minutes and counting… I’ve told them after half an hour I’m just going to drive through it.

So he’ll be voting for his local independent candidate then… I’m sure whoever that is in north sunderland has a full grasp of their mental faculties

Who you voting for on Thursday then? Changed my hoop.

Ignore these heathens mate. This place is 10 minutes from Hexham https://www.restauranthjem.co.uk/ Best restaurant in the North East. I can’t comment on the attached hotel, but I’d imagine it’s decent.

Is anyone as baffled as me by this post? What in the Black Pudding and Ecky Thump are on about???

This is the kind of utterly pointless nonsense my lass comes out with What’s the difference between taking your postal vote to the polling station and just voting normally?

It’s unerected itself so much I’ve now got a vag.

mackems inventing something, then getting angry about it?

He’d be dead, man, you dafty.

Keep going, I’m nearly there…

Makes you think.

Shambles, absolute shambles. Why did you post the blokes entire twitter history too?

What an absolute parcel of shite. Can we have the billions your mates hoovered up during Covid for taking on Ferry contracts without any boats and similar shite, please, you fucking midget personality vacuum.

She looks like one of those bendy garden hoses every version of B&M/ The Range/ Whatever sells. Would still definitely hop on, like.

Not if he dies snorting coke off a hooker’s minge…

There was a similar club in Keswick in the late 80s, the name of which escapes me now. Weird place, it had a four sided bar island that took up most of the main floor, with a tiny dance floor to the side- 10 people on it and it was getting intimate. A bunch of us from the place I was working went in one night with the express intention of seeing how fast we could all get thrown out- one lad stuck a bottle down his pants so everyone he approached thought he was sporting a magnum dong erection, I approached every lass at the bar, said hi, took a drink, then went in to my best lines whilst dribbling said drink down my chin, I can’t recall the other methods - one lad came up with one of the best comebacks I’ve heard Approached the chief scrubber sitting with her gang of scrubettes, asked her for a dance. “ No, I’m fussy who I dance with”, said Chief Scrubber. My boy came straight back with, ” Shame, as you can see, I’m not…” Poor lasses face dropped as far as her tits probably have by now. We were all “helped””back outside within about 15 minutes. There was one in Hexham too, but it was basically fight club for the local goons.