Monkeys Fist

Aye, the farm sits directly above Yorkshire’s only super volcano Eebagum. It erupts every few minutes,as it’s utter radge like it’s compatriots, but because it’s in the middle of the M62 it’s too fucking Baltic and windy to actually produce lava or ash. True story

Yes we will!

It’s a terrible road because it’s a terrible concept- let’s build a motorway across the most rain-sodden, windswept butthole in the country, which is also at Everest base camp altitude- people drive on it like the same way they would on a flat, Dutch motorway- hence the huge number of crashes. I fucking hate it.

Remember when Sunday mornings were for hangovers and recovery sex? Neither can I

‘Appen

Needs to eat sensibly…

Maybe a good thing.

Well, that was as optimistic and bright as I remembered it to be. Cheered me right up

Mrs. F. asked if I’d like to watch a film with her tonight. I said, “Aye, ITVx has some great movies on it, let’s have a look” I suggested Big Lebowski, for light relief. Nope, she wanted some thing meatier. Long story short, we’ve just strapped in for Requiem for a Dream. I have given her ample warnings that it’s not a feel-good movie Here we go then, Jennifer Connelly going ass-to-ass incoming.

The fucking HANDS on it!

Definitely on the uppers. Resigned from Sainsburys today, which was a Fava beans and Nice Chianti moment* Kids look like they’re decent people, and have a ridiculously healthy level of sarcasm- job done New neighbours are lovely people- the previous lot were sound, I was sceptical that the new ‘uns would measure up. Blown them away, tbh. All told, compared to a while back when I was in a very dark place, it’s all smelling of roses. Happy Days! * I’ve got better graft lined up, which, tbh, wouldn’t be hard.

Job done.

Went to the docs for my yearly check up and he found A Burger King Whopper in my left ear A Big Mac in my right ear Chicken Nuggets up my nose A KFC family bucket up my gentlemen’s entrance. A cheeky Nando’s in my Clown shoes He said “ Look, you’ve got to start eating sensibly “

It comes to us all… …ᵇˡⁱⁿᵈ ᵇᵃˢᵗᵃʳᵈ

Just a quick reminder that Jon Bon Jovi’s first recorded lead vocal was this absolute banger Never let the poodle-haired fop forget.

Fingers like pigs tits?

Damn- Catch 22 is one of my favourites, and Little Miss Sunshine. Very talented actor, director, and author, very much in the mould of Steve Wraith. “Fuck a lot of women!” As Alex said, legend.

Mrs. F. said she's leaving me because she can't remember the last time we had sex. Rohypnol- 5/5, would buy again.

Really like those last two mate. More fuel for my next shift’s “listen to an new (to me) artists catalog.

Given his username, he’s going to be devastated when he finds out; 1- Greggs is a Newcastle company, with NUFC fans as employees. 2- The founder’s son is a nonce. Poor cunt might well starve to death.

Fuck knows how this ended up in the cricket thread like