Monkeys Fist

I’d happily save them the cost of building a guillotine and have a go with a spoon. It’d take a while but I’d “get Boris done”.

It’d have to be fucking sharp cos he’s got some neck on him.

Why’s he got a shitter in the middle of the stage? Actually, I’d rather not know.…

As much as think he’s arrogant enough to think he’d succeed, I reckon Doreen Norris quit because her dreamboat did ( or told her he was about to). Don’t forget, she’s a romantic novelist (seriously ), so this is the perfect move for the “heroine” to express her unrequited love for the Lying Skinbag.

Does he get an extra knighthood for his wig?

Second Breakfast is a distraction, tbf.

Some 15yr old lad has been killed in Manchester after crashing his e-bike in to an ambulance. These things are fucking insane- the number of fucking wideboys I’ve just barely avoided hitting* as they fly down the wrong side of the road, no lights, no helmets, no fucks given, mental. And they’re basically silent, at least with the unregistered trials bikes you hear the cunts from 3 miles away. * I try my best but the fuckers are too fast.

Oof! However, if you didn’t say “ Laterz, Lolz!” as you headed towards the floor I’m going to be severely disappointed in you.

“It’s a free kick !” ”Oh!! Dudu hits the wall!”

Howmanheyman shudders involuntarily.

“Lawn”

Well burnt. Wonder if HMHM let one go whilst walking past?

Number of kids/ number of fathers of said kids.

Sorry to hear all that SpongeBob mate. Bloody awful. I wouldn’t risk any farts tonight.

The Ladies haven’t aged well…

In other news, Mt. Kilauea has erupted on Hawaii. Here’s the special webcam set up for @Howmanheyman

Mrs. Tapir is like …

I bet my Dad could chin your Dad.

I think it’s a penis.

If I’ve learned anything from my time on this place it’s that “ wuh aal shit and piss the same” ( courtesy of Phstevie).… …Except when HMHM takes interior decorating to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowel levels.

Pint of Gravy?

The old student halls on Coach Lane are ablaze. I’d avoid Coach Lane for the next few hours as it looks like a biggy …

Are you taking the sip?