Monkeys Fist

I’ve been a bit absent in here lately because…well… … Mrs F. was in a car accident three weeks ago and has been in a coma ever since. ( I know, I know, it’s serious). So, yesterday the Consultant took me to one side and said ” Fist lad, we’ve tried everything, and she’s not responding. Usually I’d have the chat with you about withdrawing life-support, but I was at a meeting yesterday and a colleague told me about a method of coma revival he’s seen great results from- it’s not guaranteed, but I think it’s worth a shot. It’s also a bit… unconventional.” Obviously I was on it, and said “Whatever it takes, big man. “ ” Right”, he said, “ Get in their and give her some oral sex . 5 minutes is usually enough to bring her round” In I went. After 4 minutes all the heart monitors and blood pressure gizmos started bleeping and buzzing so I ran out to the ward “ What happened ?” said big doc? “ I think after a minute she started choking doc, but you said 5 so I carried on pumping” You’re all welcome at the wake- Newcastle Labour Club. I’ll be at the bar, with a vodka and coke, waiting.

Almost as many pop-ups as the Knight Ryder’s kegs on student night in Flares.

Btw, @Renton, if you’d kindly pop over to their online asylum and let them know that “ Mackems didn’t exist before 1992”, I’ve got my window open and I’m listening for the fewm. Cheers

My old man used to drive us past their old training ground in Washington on the way to see our Grandad, and he’d regularly shout “ Dorty mackems!” out the window at them. This was back in the early 1970s.

Cost a fortune to feed him and his mate Gnimosabe’s horses though. They go everywhere together.

Fyp, ya flamin’ galah!

It’s a lucky dip with Thai’s - you never know what you’ll get, sword or sheath?

Fyp

Cheers lads So far my best option seems to be getting one off the wrist of a Thai masseur then- I’ll just run that past Mrs. F…

Right then chaps- trapped nerves. Anyone had any success in freeing them? I’ve had one which has affected my left arm for nearly a fortnight, nerve pain in my upper arm, numbness and pins and needles in my forearm and hand ( insert stranger-wank jokes here) Seen doc today who’s response was a bit pish tbh- “ take some painkillers and see how it goes” Any suggestions? ( insert “stop tearing the neck off it “ jokes here).

Prince William is launching a major five-year campaign to end homelessness, which he says should not exist in a "modern and progressive society".

“I love you honey pie”, Mrs F said earlier. “And I love you tons”, I replied. “What, no nickname for me?” She asked. I swear she’s going deaf.

“Organiser Emily Eavis has confirmed the event will return next year, with two female headliners already booked.” Adele and Kylie Minogue. Get your bets on now.

That’s the Japanese/ English lass I mentioned earlier in this thread - Rina Sawayama. Excellent “stage presence”.

I really have no idea. I do actually have a lot of respect for Elton John, he’s hugely supportive of other artist, especially new ones, and he’s done incredible amounts of unpublicised work for a great number of worthy causes- he’s a good guy. Which makes me utterly baffled why he had that absolute cunt of a bloke on his stage?

That Radiohead performance is right up there, imo, as one of the greatest live gigs of all time. It’s just fucking sublime- a band at the height of their abilities, absolutely fucking killing it in front of a massive crowd who know every note of every song they’re playing for them. What’s absolutely incredible about it is that the stage monitors weren’t working*, so they couldn’t hear each other and had to go off the slightly delayed “ambient” sound that they got from the main speakers- Thom Yorke was apparently so fucked off with it that he was going to walk off, but Johnny Greenwood persuaded him otherwise. To turn in that kind of performance under those conditions is nothing short of miraculous tbh. * That’s like trying to drive a car with a blacked out windscreen, but you’ve got a display on your phone of the road ahead, except it’s got a 2 second lag… in a snowstorm Knowing that, and watching Yorke in particular, it’s evident how fucked off he is, and it makes me wonder if all had been right with the stage monitors, would he have delivered such a fucking intense performance as he did? Regardless, it’s a fucking masterpiece of a gig, and puts Reg’s “last ever” gig in its rightful place.

Jo Whiley saying that was the best Headline act Glastonbury has ever seen Fuck right off ye daft bint. It wasn’t even the best performance at Glastonbury this weekend

I can’t help but be reminded of his obvious muse and inspiration RIP Eddie