Monkeys Fist

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/cri...d-violence.html

and there's the problem.

Every bloke would be yellower than a smiley

Vasectomies are reversible but with varying success rates, particularly as time since the original procedure increases so I don't think that's a viable option. Aye, that's in keeping with everything I've heard. It's a shame there's no common approach (while being obvious why not evn to a lay person such as myself given the vastly different biology ). I know it isn't technically necessary to intervene in both sexes to make the system work, I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of an approach which throws the entire 'effort' onto the one sex. I'm not into unnecessary surgery either mind; if there was some meaningful, non-surgical (non medical?) committment that lads could be made to undertake that might be an alternative. Compulsory Hermoseckshwallity until 25. Sorted

How's the weather in Yokelsville? Are it cold enough fer a fur lined walkin' stick?

And the vibrating electrical devices?

Clear as mud....

Prodding stuborn cattle Aaahhh I should have known that being as I am from Devon Must be cos I'm so 'sleepy' all the time! You should spend more time out of the dungeon.

That's very generous pud. What's mrs pud cooking and what's your address? NE1 4ST Pie & Chips ( very reasonable) With or without gravy? Like many things emanating from this postcode,hard to swallow- gravy or not

That's very generous pud. What's mrs pud cooking and what's your address? NE1 4ST Pie & Chips ( very reasonable) As opposed to 'not reasonable' ?

That's very generous pud. What's mrs pud cooking and what's your address? NE1 4ST Pie & Chips ( very reasonable)

Went for a piss today whilst on a job. Due to cold weather shrinkage, the old man was a bit " shy" resulting in excessive foreskin foldage and wrinkling around the japper. Piss started, came out like a fucking lawn sprinkler, in the panic to control this wild spraying, I failed to notice a secondary stream, going straight down and all over my shin and foot. Had I not been wearing light grey strides, I might've hot away with it. Didn't - much to the hilarity of my hugely sympathetic work mate. Nowt to be done but to explain the truth- resulting apoplexy meant my mate laughed with a gob full of coffee and covered himself in hot nescafe , which came out through his nose. 1-1 and a fair result I'd say.

Not a penny being taken out of the club apparently. Blaming the Keegan pay-out and the wage bill....as if neither had anything to do with him. 28,000 season tickets sold this season. Derogatory chants are foolish and offensive, they don't understand what Mike's done with the club. He also says The Shouting Men has had excellent reviews... http://www.timeout.com/film/reviews/88371/...outing-men.html More lies then Coincidence, Shirley? The Guardian film critic quite liked it, but hey, lets not let a balanced argument get in the way of a good Llambias kicking Given the chance, no left wing dooder Grauniad writer could hold me back!

Lembit Opek, take note. Career politician. Which should have ruled him out for standing for parliament on grounds of insanity. That and going out with the weather girl with the huge head, Sian wotsit That Sian bird always reminds me of Terence & Philip from South Park. It's the way her head also seems hinged at the mouth. For that same reason, whenever poor Lembit shows up , I automatically get " Uncle Fukka" in my head as background noise Who said smoking dope has no long term effects?

Lembit Opek, take note.

Not a penny being taken out of the club apparently. Blaming the Keegan pay-out and the wage bill....as if neither had anything to do with him. 28,000 season tickets sold this season. Derogatory chants are foolish and offensive, they don't understand what Mike's done with the club. He also says The Shouting Men has had excellent reviews... http://www.timeout.com/film/reviews/88371/...outing-men.html More lies then Coincidence, Shirley?

Out of Kronenbourg and........ what else was it? Babycham? Mincer Fuck Off......Sambuca I stand/ stagger corrected- not mincey at all then

Could you trust him if he said he did?

Surely it's obvious to the authorities that the bloke was giving the kid instructions under full supervision, just repeating what he's being told. Ah well, I suppose it shouldn't have happened. I tried that defence with the GMC after I took the nipper along to surgery, they wouldn't have it How many bollocks does a bloke need? He had two to start with winging twat....

Out of Kronenbourg and........ what else was it? Babycham? Mincer

Having the implanon (implant about 1/3 the size of a toothpick that releases progesterones providing contraception, like the mini-pill for those who know what it is) inserted in all girls at the onset of periods is probably the best option. Fewer risks (blood clots, cancers, migraines) than the normal pill as well. Problems are that it needs replacing every 3 years and determined women could always hack it out of their arm. Can it not be rammed up the poop chute, to paraphrase Mr. Zappa?

I think its safe to say we've all been frustrated by what appears to be a lack of actual progress (none more so than me). Numerous times I've made promises on here, N-O and a dozen other message boards stating that further info would be out soon. Trouble is, its fairly easy to come up with these plans but when the actual in-depth work starts then you start getting into the territory of solicitors, financial rules and such like. This has turned out to be an eye opener for us, being told you cant "release this info" or cant "do anything with that until object A of document X has been agreed" has gone against the ethos of the whole campaign and the Trust itself. That has been hard for us to work with but its what you would call a necessary evil, these are the people with the important experience and knowledge in these areas and what they say goes. If only we'd known all this at the start then we would have been able to play out the six weeks differently and would have given everyone that view from the start. It is important though that everything is done properly, we will only get one chance at this, do it right and everything will come together, get it wrong and its all over, we cant ever attempt a fans buyout again because people will quite rightly look back at this one and say "it failed last time so its not worth trying". So from me personally, thats an apology however it goes with what we were doing, we've not asked anyone to actually hand over any money yet, simply register to say you'd be interested to know more. This is what is used by the big backers and financial industries to decide how popular this is going to be and its chances of working. Already we have what we believe to be a high enough level of support but its important that we get as high a number as possible. As soon as the full info is out (which will be in the next couple of weeks...honest ) then I will get it out on here. Whats the latest with NUST? Is it still on the go or in any sort of communication with the club? They're acting 'reasonably'.

Really depends on your definition of those statements. Most fans have very differing expectations of what would constitute success. Which fans define it as relegation? The question was "turn us"......future tense and all that. To be more accurate "there's absolutely nothing in the years he's owned us to suggest that he'll turn us" Back to George.... Football, like heat, can generate mirages. How else, with March upon us, can we contextualise a club which, until Portsmouth nabbed their title, was widely recognised as the most gloriously demented in England, but which now resembles the very model of stability? How else to explain the otherwise inexplicable – that Mike Ashley no longer appears the battiest of owners. Top of the Coca-Cola Championship, solid and capable, with a manager who bats away excess and hyperbole; this is a most unusual Newcastle United. In terms of the North East – which, admittedly, does not offer a rich history of sound governance - they now look like bastions of sturdiness and probably more certain than either Sunderland or Middlesbrough of the division they will be playing in next season. Recent results – notably their 2-1 victory at Watford on Saturday – have hardened the longstanding impression that Newcastle are destined for promotion. They remain resolute in defence, powerful in midfield, January's signings brought them a dash of pace and unpredictability and, in Andy Carrol, they possess a young and improving striker who, on his day, veers towards the unplayable. Those outside the club will see a team with vigour and purpose. They view a points tally which, at a similar stage of their respective campaigns, reflects well with that amassed by Kevin Keegan’s team in 1992-93, when the world felt young and Tyneside was abuzz with optimism. And yet those who follow Newcastle most avidly would admit that theirs is not a side surfing a wave of momentum. Their place at the top of the table is fully deserved, Hughton and his players warrant huge credit for the manner in which they have responded to relegation, but behind the mirage, uncertainty remains a dominant feature of the Geordie landscape. For now, satisfaction should be grasped from a job executed proficiently, but the future of the club is still opaque. A question has been posed in recent weeks. Surely, after the long, grinding recovery since last spring, with Newcastle likely to return to the Barclays Premier League, is it not time for fans to let bygones be bygones in relation to Ashley? Is it not time for a cessation of the derogatory chants which are aimed at him in every match, home and away. Is it not time to embrace the new reality? The subject is an exercise in irrelevance. There is no onus on fans to do anything other than to support their team however they see fit, which they have done in far greater numbers (with far less reason) and with deeper reserves of loyalty than anybody can have anticipated this season. Providing that their behaviour is legal – which it has been – they have no moral obligation to do anything. All the responsibility lies with Ashley and his employees. Since the ham-fisted debacle of the stadium naming rights issue – in spite of the threats, @sportsdirect.com is yet to feature in any marketing at St James’ – there have been no public gaffes, no further indiscretions. In fact, things have been progressing relatively smoothly, although there is a caveat to that. Newcastle did not become the next Leeds United. Albeit with a small staff, Hughton has been allowed to manage his players, without any sign of interference. At the end of the transfer window, none of their marquee names had been sold and Hughton’s squad was stronger than 31 days previously. But these things are not the stuff of garlands and triumph; it is what any sensible board should be doing. Granted, Ashley has continued to fund the running of the club (at an alleged cost of £500,000-per-week, according to a “source” close to the sportswear retailer), but history should not be re-written. It was his “catastrophic” and “terrible decisions” (his words), which resulted in Newcastle’s financial implosion following their relegation and he is still picking up the shards. Newcastle’s league status is not the fault of their fans. It was not their muddled policies that saw managers hoarded, discarded and, in the case of Keegan and Alan Shearer, betrayed. It was not them who made profits in the transfer market when a small squad cried out for strengthening, who twice failed to sell the club, who attracted public ridicule through employment tribunals. We used to yearn for Ashley to explain himself, to talk about his reasons for buying Newcastle, to engage with a populace glad to see the back of an earlier, tainted regime. Over the last few months, we have come to appreciate the benefits of silence. Like the team, like Hughton, the club’s hierarchy have kept their heads down. In so doing, they have taken care not to aim ordinance at their own feet. So, well done for that, but keep calm and carry on. Nothing to see here. Rumours persist in City circles that Ashley is desperate to conclude his involvement in football as soon as possible but, whatever his designs, planning should be well underway for what happens next. If he is unable (or even unwilling) to sell, he should be looking to protect what remains of his investment. For all his catalogue of blunders, Ashley always represented an opportunity for Newcastle. He is rich (not Abramovic rich, but rich nonetheless) and his Sports Direct connections should provide the club with a natural, harmonious, mutually-beneficial relationship. Even if it is only a short-term arrangement until a more viable custodian can be found, that opportunity has not dissipated. Bring in some serious-minded people, with an understanding of football and, preferably, an empathy with the region, to run the club on his behalf, no matter if they have to do so on a limited budget. Engage fans; open a meaningful, non-patronising dialogue with the Newcastle United Supporters Club and do what you can to get them on board. Be honest with people; they can take hard truths. What is there to lose? Whether on the pitch or in the stands, there has been precious little arrogance from Newcastle this season. Players and their followers understand fully that this is not a club’s glorious resurrection, but the righting of a wrong, achieved through unity and huge effort. Belatedly, Ashley and Co have played a role. He should not expect people to cheer him for it. Nice highlighting there mate- and....?

At the risk of a 'Leazes' told you so, we weren't too far away from that when the fuckwit took over. You are smoking something, surely! Fucking damn sight closer to it than we are now! I'll keep smoking , you keep kidding yourself