Monkeys Fist

Have to admit, Im with Matt on this one. Its twitter you only get 140 chars, to write out Manchester United every time you want to mention them in a game against Chelsea would be a pain in the arse to say the least. Although get him to use ManUre and its the same chars. ManU for simplicity.

The Teeside Method is simple- take your cock out.

Legend has it a not uncommon occurrence.

I will brew and unleash between 15-25 absolutely heinous farts a day, regardless of diet ( add real ale into the mix and I go fucking nuclear). By heinous, I mean ones that melt nasal hair and clear rooms. Have done since I was a teenager. Rather than think of it as an affliction, I use it to amuse myself. I've lost count of the times I've left rancid air pollution on a bus or metro, silently released just before getting off.

Not as amazing as the reek of your piss tomorrow. Fish wrapped in Pig is a classic , mind.

I'll bet you were popular at Scout Camp

string is optional

Love this

re. Quoteathon posts and the 'failed' post ( two or fewer replys), I'm an utter luddite when it comes to the technical stuff you're talking about, but if you gave me some parameters and a specific date period , I'll be happy to search that period and flag any post that fall under the parameters- e.g. I'll search July 2008 for the above mentioned kind of posts, log the post\thread # and send the list to admins to delete or not. If a few other posters were willing to do the same, would that help? I know most of us work, but if we all did a little it would take the burden from admin and maybe help sort the problem?

Go on then.

We rely on football to fill the gaps when there's nowt else on Although my TV viewing at the moment is still 98% Toy Story 1,2 & 3... Me too, with 1% of the remainder being Pingu. Not comlaining tbh.

I'm sure there's a medical term for that, if only there was a doctor around to confirm it

She's female. No reason necessary. "Bloody Hell, not football again!" The fact most of my home viewing is on the pc is irrelevant.

Granted. Moobs out.

Now that is bad At least I'm watching the Spurs match like a proper bloke.. Mrs. Fist had a hissy , so no match tonight. And if you're a proper bloke, show us yer moobs.

Does that mean we'll all soon be shagging nymphs in the woods and stinking of goat? Oh goody

I was getting 404 server errors for about an hour at tea time.

Perfume - The Story of a Murderer is on BBC2 tonight at 11.20. Set your recorders , worth a watch. I loved the book, and didn't hold much hope of it translating to film, but it's not bad at all.

Just watched Beady Eye open Jools Later Live. … oh dear Liam.

Chance to perve over Kate Humble surely? What I was hoping for - some Ging farmer getting sweaty about his lambs instead. So I had a nice cup of cocoa and remembered when this was all fields, you know. They never come to see me.

When, flicking through the channels, you land on "Lambing Live" on BBC2 and don't immediately flick over again

Top Man Trophyshy. Is it possible his family were too shocked to do anything? I'm trained, need to be in my line of work, I know from past experience too that practise on a nice clean dummy is totally different to sticking the lips on some snot & spit covered victim. You should be proud of yourself mate

I was there a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't that good, and they were awful home and away before xmas....apart from when they twatted us obviously TN wasnt at the game on Saturday, he was on here telling everyone how being positive on the end of a broadband connection will transmit good vibes to the team.....man Kicked himself off didn't he? Noel's Cosmic Ordering app is what Nutz needs, get the orders in to the Cosmic Kitchen.