Monkeys Fist

Karma, bitch.

Wrong sport mate.

That’s a bit harsh, Adolf.

You’re riding on the breeze of my “Roy Castle would be fucking impressed” bottom cough, here mind Dr. G.

MBBBRRRAAAPPP!

I’ve just ripped what was easily my loudest fart of the year. Imagine a blobfish taking a deep breath, then yelling in to a megaphone “ M’BBBBRRRAAAAAAPPPPP!” It hurt my egg sack. I’m taking this as an omen that we will blow these away tonight. 5-0.

Are these the same ones where the stepmother gets “stuck” in a washing machine, then her pants fall off? Lemon stealing whores, tbh.

Who says it’s not?

We did the “ free pass” quiz thing, where you’re allowed one free shag if the opportunity arose. I should’ve said Salma, not her best mate, on reflection.

Texted Mrs. F. They are now divorced, with this incident being the final straw. So, aye, she probably was mortified.

I once started telling her tales about various imaginary people in foreign lands, in response, and when she said “ Why are you telling me about total strangers” I said that she started it, I thought it was a game. Went down like a shite in a swimming pool.

Mildly embarrassed I think. I generally zone out within a second or two of Mrs.F’s mackem tales.

That was the husband of a woman my lass has the pleasure of working with.

Fyp

There’s a whole new category of “research” on my favourite specialist site.

The only thing more mental than that possibly happening, is that he got in the first time.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just skim over it with a bit more concrete?

Well, if I’d known you were such a sexy bugger I’d have made more effort.

It’ll have been something he wanted you to say to his face.

It struck me the day that loads of the best F1 drivers have Scottish towns in their names. Lewis Hamilton ( twofer) Eddie Irvine Stirling Moss Ayr Toon Centre.

@Zathras HIYA!

I’ve just come in from Monthly Work Pints and he’s greeted me like I’ve been away for 5 years. Tbf, he does that if you go in the kitchen to make a brew- he’s a lovely wee lad, soft as shite, and daft as a brush. 3 years old-ish and no signs of not living his mutty life at 100mph as yet, the little shite.