Monkeys Fist

It’s the one with all the seats… fockin noob! Get the metro to Saint Jamie’s, walk past the Raspberry pub, then listen for Adam P and The Spaniel , can’t go wrong.

Centurion walks in to a bar and says… “ Five beers please!”

If we’re going to have utter match thread confusion, we need to post a bit more in here, then alternate between here and Zathras’ reboot. Step up gents, step up. 5-0 Derek Wright.

Of course, it’s 5 minutes and 43 seconds until Judge Wapner … Wapner, five forty three.

Much like our erstwhile football team, we here at TT Towers are having a personnel crisis. Andrew is now essentially nocturnal, he only comes out with his fellow hobbits to talk about second-breakfast and potatoes. Tom has been churning out some very niche grumble movies in Holland, involving Grannies, Guinea Pigs, and Granola. He’s been pretending to be on tour with “his band”, but WE’VE ALL SEEN THE VIDEOS TOM! ( well… I have). Meenzer, as evidenced by his response above, has fully embraced nihilism, chaos, and curtain twitching since moving to the ‘burbs. If you can drag him away from the Residents Group on Facebook where he’s conducting a campaign against THAT BITCH from no. 42 and her incontinent Pomeranian, you’re doing well. Rayvin now lives in a cave in the Outer Hebrides, burning wicker figurines of Starmer and apologising to passing sheep. If it wasn’t for my technological genius and wizardry keeping this place in its feet, we’d be Parsnipping every other post. 5-0. Double hatrick from Cabaye and Tiote.

“ The Northern Research Group?” “ So, The North… anyone been?” ” No, too grim” ” Sherry?” ” Raaather!”

Shirley Anne Field. Not shy, in her day. Oh aye, RIP.

That assumes that this is the match thread, and not Ayatollah’s match thread. Should we deduct one?

Had a drop at Central Station in town today. Parked at the top end nearest the Life Centre, unloaded, rang the number to find out where they wanted it. Me-“ Hello, I’m at the staff car park with your pallet, where would you like it?” TAFMG* “ Errh, I’m near the Hotel…” Me “ Oh, OK, which hotel?” TAFMG “ The one next door” Me - “ Next door to the station, ok, are you at the hotel or at the station?” TAFMG -“ I’m on me own “ Me * muttering “ Jesus-titty-fucking-christ… Erm, Ok mate, if you tell me where you are I’ll come to you. “ TAFMG- “ I’m next to the Hotel” Me, now thinking I’m actually dealing with a special needs lad-“ Ok mate, can you see the buses where you are, or can you see the trains?” TAFMG - “ No, I’m near the hotel” Eventually found the fucker, at the other end of the station, in the goods yard next to the Long Stay car park. Not special needs, he was just, without a shadow of a doubt, the stupidest fucker on these fair isles. * Thick As Fucking Mince Gadgie

I guess not everyone has a Blue Badge Chaffeurs account, eh @thebrokendoll?

I got my sex sossidge done not long after I met Mrs. F. I showed her and she said “ Why does it say ‘Way’?” I said “ Give it a minute, it’s ‘ Welcome to Newcastle upon Tyne, have a nice day’ “

They’ve spelled Untied wrong mate.

I WILL NOT be accused of littering!!!

Who’s on first base?

How dare you!

Of course he will have- he’s this place’s Rainman.

Fat lasses love it… so I’m told.

You seen Renton’s gaff? Not even a successful gambling habit would raise enough for the heating and window cleaning bills…

Aye, if we put a dog through the same we’d rightly be charged with cruelty. It’s utterly insane that a process which has been safely introduced in other countries can’t be done here.

One for Team Sausage, one for Team Bedwetters? This has potential

Aye, watching my old man die just reinforced my atheism and belief in self-determined euthanasia. If anyone had tried the “life is sacred” line I’d have been posting this from Durham Jail.

My old man’s last days were absolutely awful. He’d refused treatment for the same reasons as Ms. Rigg, it was delaying the inevitable and he didn’t want his remaining time spent being ill from drugs and radiotherapy. He stuck with that choice, and then chose not to go in to hospital at the end, after Covid had hit, as he didn’t want to die alone. It took some time, the end, and he was conscious for a the majority of it. All the visiting nurses could offer was painkillers of increasing strength. Once he’d lost his faculties, and was on morphine, I asked the nurses if they could “accidentally” leave an overdose worth that I could give him. Whilst very sympathetic, they obviously couldn’t. As a result*, my Dad’s last days were spent gasping for breath as his lungs filled up, whilst slowly starving, and eventually unable to take on any fluid. It was fucking brutal. All because some cunts who believes in sky fairys thinks it’d be a sin to let people go out with dignity on their own terms, and no PM has had the stones to fight for it. * I’m not blaming the nurses in any way here, just stating what the result of not being able to hasten the process leads to.