Monkeys Fist

Cold, icy , clear, where you travelling from?

Now fuck off, you Tit.

Did he ever do another song?

I've heard she's not all that good at maths. Struggles to get 5 digits in her Pi.

What do you call a Chinese woman with a Kenwood Chef on her head? Blenda!!

I rarely remember my dreams, but had one last night which was horrible. Was in North Korea on holiday with my family. We were taken prisoner by the army , and taken to a heavily guarded camp in the jungle. Strangely there was also some local festival taking place there?? The only way out was to cross a ravine, which was full of gigantic crocodiles, I'm talking fucking enormous here, 30ft and full of beans! Somehow, my wife and son allowed across a bridge over this ravine, and set free, but I knew that me and my daughter were going to be shot. Tried to escape down the ravine, these crocs leapt 50ft up the banks and almost got my daughter. Then I woke up briefly, panicking like fuck, and went back to sleep. The dream continued pretty much where I'd left it, but now there was an awful sense of doom hanging over it. I looked over the ravine to see a temple on the opposite river bank, and soldiers were forcing locals to stand alone on the bank , where they were torn apart by the monster crocs. Next thing I realise my daughter is over there, being pushed on to the bank. A croc swallowed her whole, her screaming and kicking all the way down, and then I'm right there, slicing this croc open to get my daughter out. She's catatonic , and I then have to get us past a machine gun nest, which I petrol bombed. Woke up then in a cold sweat, panting like I'd just run a marathon. Bloody horrible. I can still remember the panic and feeling of doom.

Mess your hair up, odd socks on , the full crazy works, then stand in the queue and help yourself to things from their trolley. Southern Wooftah baiting and a free feed in one! Pure Cush Maaaan!

T-Shirts being tucked in up North

No one in the vicinity of the tea room throwing bacon sandwiches at passing immigrants? Immigrants? In Tynemouth??? Please!

Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty?

Sorry, got my Bamp settings momentarily confused. Having my bait at Newburn, it's spitting but not what I ( or an Eskimo ) would call snow.… … yet.

He'll sit next to you on the bus.

I prefer busty blondes to brunettes Just going offline for 5 minutes …

I'd heard you weren't fussy

Nowt stopping you cracking one off too Sweetypie

All the best Lads. Go on- crack one off to celebrate

Not for long.

Popeye has identical quadruplet nephews called Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and … …Poopeye! Poor lad!

Hotter

That baby sleep one Roundhouse Kick is my son's favourite

Caterpillars have more muscles than you or I.

:nufc: :nufc: :nufc: :nufc: :nufc: :nufc: :nufc: :nufc:

I've only got one of her doing lesbian things with her sister... I don't suppose that's any use is it? I suppose it'll have to do (emailed you a few shots)

I'll PM you my e-mail address Oops! Forgot to mention the small matter of cost… … I'm not a greedy man. A nudey pic of your lass will do , A4, and laminated preferably.