Monkeys Fist

Go on then… West Ham manager Sam Allardyce talking about his side's promotion hopes on Football Focus: "This is a big job and a big ask, to gain promotion in the first season. Turning a football club around that gets decimated by relegation is a tough task, but we are in a really good position. This is a dreams industry, a creative industry and I'm a very creative person. The essence of this football club is to win games of football by entertaining people, particularly home fans. We haven't entertained our fans at home as much as we would have liked. If there is much criticism, I have a rhino skin and then an elephant skin if it gets really bad. I have two skins!" Double the skins again Sam, you fat prick.

3-3 at City. Fucking hilarious!

Go on then…

When exactly is it bearable?

3-1 to the tramps. Bennett pissed on the Variety Club bus home.

How Gary Bennett ever got a job on the radio never ceases to amaze me. He sounds like has to think about every word before he speaks. Serious question- is he a bit dolly dimple?

What was his dad called then?

You fucker! Thought that might get at least two wrong answers

The first black player for Celtic FC had a more famous non-footballing son. Name the son.

Happy Birthday Hog, better late than never

How would you feel CT, if the local authority was instructed by Dave to lower the taxi rates?

Insensitive joke. Anything but funny?

Serves you right for painting it Villa's colours, you chubby demolition merchant.

Poor bastard. Hope he makes a full recovery.

No great shock there mind, those backward fuckers call buns " Barms". Re. OP, pre-match, most of the Haymarket bars will do the trick- The Percy is my choice. Post match- stay away from the Bigg Market, almost opposite your hotel ( ie on the proper side of the Tyne) is the Ouseburn, where all the groovy fuckers go

Maybe you could have a nice cup of cocoa and a bit of a sit down Happy Birthday Gents.

I'd have thought that's the last thing you'd want.

I can't be the only one who is less than fascinated with Chubby Tree's detailed bowel movement diarys.

Travelling from Newcastle each day mate- quick butty at lunch is all I have time for. Seems a decent part of the city like.

Working at Granary Wharf in Leeds this week. 9 out of 10 for jiggly lady parts.

Lib Dem voter?

FYP

Both.

If we all rub the image below, he WILL score the winner against the dippers ©The Sun