Monkeys Fist

Fucks sake 3-1 spuds

Is that a posh tampax?

Spuds 2-1. Bastards.

Enter the Sholinator Game over.

C'mon lads. Don't just beat them now- break the filthy c**ts.

Fucking amazing control there like. Watching this on a laptop in the hotel bar, whilst a spud fan is miserably watching his big screen.

I'd shit in her baguette like.

Lurpap Stalk Smellygold The anal dexterity to be able to shite precisely enough to fill a baguette or butter dish without following thru with the rest suggests what we all suspect about Wor Salty.

The fact that the salt now far outweighs the pepper in my chin minge.

I love it when a page starts like this. Btw. Basic Sexy 101. This is … This isn't. Here endeth the lesson.

CT? Access to caterers? Disaster looms!

Wahey!

There's nicer lasses working in Greggs. Sex tape doesn't mean sexy.

Bamp.

Tour dates are below Andrew. Where you living? http://derrenbrown.co.uk/tour-dates/svengali/

And aye Howayman, you can smell the cheese on their chips coming out of the radio. Don't get me started on Gary Bennett. He should've been born mute.

Is that joke past it's sell by date? I know…

I had to throw out a milkshake the other day as I couldn't get moved on my drive for lads.

Fair point. Tubby.

"Use by" is an instruction," Best Before" is advice is the rule I go by. And my nose.

It will happen though. That's the funniest thing.

Mrs. F. dropped a lady hint* that she wanted to go for her birthday. If the daft bint had said so sooner, I could've got better seats on the Friday or Saturday. As it is , the only two left together are up in the gods, on Thursday. Still, looking forward to it. Panis beforehand for bait and drinks methinks. * said " Oh Derren Brown is playing Newcastle , and on my birthday. Wouldn't that be lovely?".

So, not that interesting then.

Tickets for Derren Brown next week at the Theatre Royal. He knew I'd buy them.