Monkeys Fist

Nearly Squidward, nearly!

Draught Sagres. 3 pints to the good

I've been whispering sweet nothing's to mine all day.

I'm with you brother!

Must be awful throwing 5kg of scran away.

Nicking that!

You'd let him beat the shit out of Mrs. HF with a baseball bat? Soopafan.

No mate, if I meant his micro-johnson I would've said "cilia"

Pasta and rice?

Happy Birthday KK, thanks for the memories. You too Andrew

Sadly, since I'm working away, I will miss the commercialised sick fest this year. I've decided the only way to soothe my aching heart is by watching the match in the pub tonight. Sent The Wench a card, and also one for my daughter as she's become aware of it through school and would be gutted if she missed out. She's five.

Who's she Tooj? Knockout!

Finally! .....

"Chilli Flakes ...... Crushed Chilli ...... Same thing...?"

Ronaldo - taking the piss. 1-1.

Look in the exotic foods section. If its like Morrisons, you'll find a massive bag of them for a couple of quid.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Fitba

Dunno mind, having The Tubster's stink pipe rubbed around on top of me would have me reaching for the rope.