Monkeys Fist

"My Struggles With Wayward Eggs, and How I Overcame Them. " A moving account of one man's thrice daily battle to cook a bread shaped egg, and how he eventually gave up and bought a budgie.

Pumping like a rabbits cock, thanks. How's the liver?

He had 4 bottles of Shiraz in his car.

What's the plate in the second picture for?

7 injured, 1 seriously. They'll be pulling black snot out their heeds for weeks.

Japanese climbers on a volcano when it goes off! Don't know about you, but I wouldn't be standing there filming the hot ash cloud as it raced towards me.

So they are microwaved?

Man gets fired from job. Goes to car, re-enters workplace. Decapitates random worker with knife. As you do. Ffs. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-29381980

Microwaved "fried" eggs? Ffs, have been at the Betterware catalogue.

Go on then.....

Dont be daft- cancer doesn't exist. It's just faulty denpressure"- Wolfy , Teeside Loonybin (Btw, look at the URL for the pic how much wtf? can you get in one line?)

Over there, thanks.

I'm just shitting it for when people realise my real name is Madge Bishop.

Moderated.

Fuck off. Then when you get there, fuck off some more.

See my bit in brackets

Since his primary targets must be blind, he's clearly going for full sensory overload, leading to button mushroom manipulation.

http://www.samaritans.org ( given that my favorite Radiohead track is Black Star, I am taking the piss )

Or a gallon tub of lube, at the very least.

What about the shrubs???? Fucking know-nowt Sky bandwagon gardening jumpers.